The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

seventeen.

Yamaguchi

I'm awake.

I am sure that I'm awake and I could feel my head throbbing. Surely, it was already morning because I could see the bright beaming lights from my closed eyelids. I closely observed the sheets wrapped around my body; it was soft and comfy. Where the hell am I? Am I already home? My heart leaps as I decided to open my eyes, squinting by the morning light.

I wake as if it's an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. My heart beats fast and there is a buzzing in my brain and together they are as panic with jump-leads. Only now my brain is as a flat battery, the exertions of the night being a marathon of erratic crying of . . . Tsukki.

Was it a dream?

My eyes wandered around the room, realizing after a few minutes of contemplating, I'm definitely in Tsukki's room as I finally figured the familiar dinosaur figure he owned by the desk. My body shot back up, sitting in a haste manner, a short pang of pain hit my head, realizing that I had been drinking as I could still smell the stench of alcohol from my nose. I grimace by the sudden pain. My mouth until my throat felt dryer than dessert, I was thirsty as hell.

Tsukki was not beside me anymore, his bed felt cold and empty. The day today itself is cold, bitterly cold and humid - such an enchanting combination. It finally hit me, the memories from last night of Tsukki's endless heartbreaking sobs haunted me until this new morning.

My chest tightens from remembering the unwanted memory of what Tsukki told me from last night. It was traumatizing.

And so this day will pass as if I am hungover, not from drink, but from the nightmares I shared with Tsukki from last night.

I stood up from the bed and made the raveled sheets placing it properly and straightening the comforter down the bed. I stripped myself off of Tsukki's pajamas and put my clothes from yesterday on. It still smelled like alcohol and I scowled by the stench of it. God, I smell horrible.

I swallowed hard and realized that I had been needing to drink water ever since I woke up, my eyes trailed towards the night stand and saw a tall glass of water, I rapidly took it in my hands and took big gulps to satisfy my thirst. Tsukki must've brought it here.

Taking the opportunity of Tsukki not being around, I strode towards his desk, my eyes wandering around and observing the changes of his room. Tsukki must've liked keeping his room neat and tidy.

As a matter of fact, his room was not the same as before when we were kids. It looked plain and colors painted on his walls were monochrome, unlike before, he had this adhesive wallpaper of galaxy and cool-looking glow in the dark shaped dinosaurs sticking all over his ceiling. We used to count it every time we were about to sleep.

Tugging the corners of my lips, as I could feel a smile creeping on my face when my eyes caught a picture of Tsukki and I back in grade school. He was twelve years old and I was eleven, it was an after volleyball practice and Kaori-san took this photo of us together. I smiled by the thought of the pleasing memory as I tried to reminisce the moments of our childhood.

. . .

"

Tsukki! Let's take a picture!" The green-haired boy chuckled, wrapping his arm around the blonde's shoulder.

Yamaguchi looked so happy, elated even.

Tsukki sighed, "Tch," He snickered, rolling his eyes, obviously tired from their previous practice, "Who's Tsukki anyway?" Tsukki's face recoiled in a puzzled look, giving him a perplexed expression.

A smile almost like a sunny day on a sunday appeared across Yamaguchi's face, as if the little boy had been waiting for him to ask, "I made a nickname for you since Tsukishima's too long," Yamaguchi giggled, "From now on, I'm calling you Tsukki!"

Kaori bent her knees down, holding up a camera with its lenses pointed towards Yamaguchi and Tsukki, "Look here!"

"Tsukki! Quickly! Do peace sign with me!" Yamaguchi shook Tsukki's frame as he held up his hand with a peace sign.

The blonde boy wasn't so bitter after all. He thought to himself how Yamaguchi could always brighten a gloomy room . . . his life per se, at last Tsukki could release his past even for a while, let it float away into obscurity.

Happiness flowed through Tsukki, warming his skin like the rays of an early summer sun. Yamaguchi's customary cautious grin exploded into a radiant smile that even for the blonde's enough to catch it.

Influenced by the green-haired child's smile, Tsukki's face is lit up brighter than a toothpaste commercial and he has that soft look on his face that he had never worn before, not even as a small boy.

. . .

The happy memory faded in just a flash, as it was replaced by the thought of Tsukki being able to take in that horrible memory of his own mother trying to take her own life at a very young age, and being able to conceal it for so many years up until now.

I haven't even thought of Tsukki being devastated for years, masks after masks, he wore just to hide the deep wound from everyone.

He was broken, shattered really, robbed early of the tape and glue necessary to put his soul back together. His heart, poorly stapled shut, was beating hard but without purpose.

Tsukki's mind was like a lost man at sea, desperate and starving for some reason to live. Desperate for a good, warm and welcoming memory, something that he could smile to.

Now, I understand his hatred towards his own  father. It pained me. A lot. His confrontation from last night had explained everything and I could finally see him clear as day. Clear as a calm ocean.

Being friends over the years, it finally hit me that I never really knew him at all. He was just that friend who filled a void in me and I didn't even realized that I had been missing almost half of his personality.

Tsukki was more than a snarky, rude, sarcastic friend. He's just like a book that's been tightly shut, only looking at the covers but behind those covers revealed hundred of his chapters, waiting to be read.

Waiting to be discovered.

Waiting to be heard.

I placed the picture down back on his desk and sighed, suddenly, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Yamaguchi, you awake?" The voice I had been longing to hear ever since I woke up from that nightmare the night before was just right behind that door, waiting to be answered.

I smiled, "I'll be out in a minute, Tsukki,"