The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

thirty-one.

Inspired by the song "Next To You" by Bryson Tiller.

❝How far out have I got to move? Oh, I've gotta get next to you, but you're so far away, searchin' for a heart another world away.❞

(This is the first RnB song I'll be putting up in the playlist of this book, this song is so good wtf. I suggest ya'll to listen to it, if you haven't :))

Tsukishima

My eyebrows creased in surprise when Yamaguchi pulled away from me with tears streaming down his eyes. I thought I told him something that caused his tears, but we were just swaying with the music, silently.

"Yamaguchi? Why are you crying?" I couldn't help but ask, my hand automatically carressed his cheek to wipe off those tears using my thumb.

Yamaguchi sniffled, and then chuckled at himself, "It's nothing, I just . . ." He paused, taking a deep breath, his chest heaving up and down so slowly.

"Did I say something that hurt your feelings? I-I'm sorry if I did, or about-"

"No, you didn't," He sighed, wiping his tears off rapidly, as he shook his head, I watched him do so, "It's just that, I . . ."

I waited for him to talk more.

"I kissed Yachi-san," His eyes averted from my eyes quickly, as he fiddled with his fingers. Is he nervous?

What?

I blinked and bit my inner cheek, "What? Like sex?"

Yamaguchi's eyes widened and his cheeks turning into the slightest red, "What? No! No, we just kissed!" He protests, hitting my arm and I winced before laughing.

"Okay?" I muttered, "So, what about it?" I tried sounding bored to surpress my heart speaking for me.

Damn, that fucking hurts.

Yamaguchi didn't speak, his stare dropping down to his feet, he was hesitating and at some point, he kind of looked like he was disappointed . . . As if he was waiting for me to say something?

As he took his time to compose his words, I took my time to gaze on his face, his freckles, his features so freely, there is so much to admire, but his raw honesty is the best part. I love how Yamaguchi's words spill out real slow as if the truth can take its time.

Yamaguchi's eyes started to well up with tears again, this time he didn't mind wiping it off but let it subside, his eyes stirred with confusion and . . . anger? A great sob escaped him, and he covered his face with shaking hands

"Tsukki, I . . . I'm so confused," He sighed with a shaky breath, "Why do you have to make me feel this way?" Yamaguchi flustered, his eyebrows pulled down together.

I blinked, completely out of words, "Yamaguchi, I-I'm sorry," I apologized, but honestly, I didn't know where I was mistaken. I didn't know why but I feel like I had to apologize.

He pursed his lips together and shook his head, "It's fine," Yamaguchi heaved a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

Looking at him felt a bit like staring over the edge of a cliff. If the look on my face were any indication, I was just as woozy.

I remembered the electricity of Yamaguchi's fingers brushing against mine. How it kept me awake the rest of the night, thinking of it.

I had long since fallen over the cliff, and was dead gone. I couldn't believe I just realized that I had been loving him eversince I met him in that park, with him crying, getting himself bullied but just this night.

Yamaguchi shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "I must've been really tired today," He sighed, before propping back down the couch, his body relaxed and his breathing even, "I thought I needed to breakdown," He chuckled, forcefully.

I sat beside him but left a few inches away from him, letting silence take over once again, our souls screaming inside, yet our lips sealed, we both were tangled by threads made up of unsaid words.

The silence was not uncomfortable as it sits around the room with soothe and ease, "When do you think mom will wake up?" I asked, completely changing that heavy energy between us.

Yamaguchi shrugged his shoulders, again, weakly this time, "Hopefully, tomorrow," He whispered.

"Yeah . . ." I breathe.

A few minutes had passed, maybe ten minutes, not a single eye contact or an exchange of words with each other had been made, as we both stared at the empty ceiling, "Yamaguchi . . ." I muttered, my voice low, making sure I say his name leisurely.

Yamaguchi didn't speak, all I could hear was his slow breathing and the soft howling of the winter's wind just outside the window. He must've been tired of crying. Maybe, I, too.

"I don't usually tell you about what I feel but I think I might, right now,"

To no avail, he did not respond again, I took the opportunity of him just listening to me, it even feels a lot comfortable with him not making remarks. I was still staring at the ceiling with my head just resting on the couch.

I closed my eyes before speaking again, "I think I might've fallen for you, Tadashi . . ." My thoughts spoke for me. I didn't feel nervous telling him that.

I never thought it would come out so easily.

I didn't care if he'd reject me, or tell me that he doesn't feel the same. I didn't care at all, but it sits right with me to admit how I really feel towards him for all these years of hiding the truth, tonight.

Yamaguchi responded with soft snores leaving his lips, I fixed my gaze over him. Yamaguchi was already fast asleep.

I guess he never heard anything from me. I sighed in relief as an instant regret washed over me. Fuck. Thank God, he's asleep.

I honestly wouldn't bear his response to my shit confession, I thought maybe he would just laugh at me.

Yamaguchi's features were much softer in sleep, the lines that usually creased his brow replaced by the youthful appearance. He looked peaceful.

His face was facing mine so I snuggled just beside him, tracing his perfect feautures and connecting his freckles together like star constellations.

I wish I could kiss each stars his cheeks held.

After only minutes his snuffles settle to a steady rhythm. I'm almost drifting off myself when he giggles in his sleep.

Damn. He's got to go first thing, before dawn, or he'll be the death of me.