The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

fifty.

Inspired by the song "Chasing Pavements" by Adele.

(this song is my childhood and i miss 2009. if u dont know this song, then idk u. jk. pls do listen to this song, it would really mean a lot 😭)

❝Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place, should I leave it there?❞

(this will probably be the last POV of Yachi and i'm going to miss writing her so much ;-; BUT HEY, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW?)

Yachi

"It's about Tsukishima-san, isn't it?"

Tadashi nodded his head, slowly, his gaze dropping down on the pavement.

I watched Tadashi fall in love with Tsukishima and always did, without so much acknowledgement. There was a burning ache in my chest, disappointment and resentment settling inside me but at the same time, I force myself not to.

I don't want to love Tadashi anymore. I don't want to flinch every time I hear Tsukishima's name from Tadashi's mouth. I don't want to be hurt every time a memory flashes in my mind like a blaring siren, a loop of sweet promises and even sweeter kisses.

I want to not care about him. I want us to be back to being strangers again - a fond memory, perhaps - but someone I don't want to keep checking up on, someone I don't feel anything but idle curiosity or well-being towards.

I coughed into my hand, trying to ignore the petals that were now inside, once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.

Tadashi stood in front of me, unable to compose any sentences. I mean, I don't blame him if I was in his shoes. It was painful to see it like this. All I could do was cry. Tadashi pulled me in an embrace and let the torrent of my tears to soak through his shirt.

I clenched my fists, not knowing whether to be mad or to give up hope all together. He could probably hear me silently screaming, suffocating with each breath I took holding.

He ran his fingers through my hair, time and time again, in an attempt to calm me down, "I-I'm sorry, Yachi . . ."

By the way he said my name complete for the first time again, it only made me sob more. Even the steady stream of liquid trickling down my face could cure my thirst for him. After all, Tadashi loved Tsukishima, not me.

When I finally gained back my composure, I pulled away from Tadashi's embrace, still catching my breath, "D-Don't be sorry," I managed to laugh. Damn, even at my lowest, breaking point, I could still laugh.

Tadashi was still gazing at me, with his tear stained cheeks, "Yachi, I'm sorry," He repeats himself.

I let out a breathy sigh, "Don't be. It's not even your fault," I probably look really bad right now, maybe looking like a tomato because of my redness.

Deep inside me, I wanted him to be sorry, I wanted to blame someone, hate someone. But then I couldn't. And most likely wouldn't.

He wipes off the tears every second and held my arms, carressing it for comfort, "I tried Yachi-san, I'm sorry I've hurt you . . . This is all my fault," He whispered between sniffles.

There was a tightening of my throat and a short intake of breath before I tried speaking, but coming out shaky.

"You don't have say sorry for things you can't control, Tadashi-kun," I gave him a sad smile, but it took me a lot of strength to do so, I took his cheeks in my palms, wiping the uncontrollable tears rolling down his cheeks.

I could feel the world weighing down my shoulders to let him go just like this. It hurts. I loved him, genuinely and thought of our future so often and I thought we could make it.

But I was wrong; too much imagination for me, I guess. Though I was never wrong to choose him, to love him and to build something with him even in those little times.

I was wrong of my expectations, of good endings I've read in fairy-tale books when I was a kid, and I had it so high that it made me crumbled up as I fell swiftly into the ground with the most terrifying impact, breaking the glasses, shattering the ground I fell into, and finally having the hard to pick up all the pieces for the fear of hurting myself even more.

From the way he looked at Tsukishima-san, I could already tell that it was different the way he did to me. As if longing and desiring for him.

I guess you'll never know how much you love a person until you watch them love someone else.

And it hurts.

The truth is, I knew from the start that they were in love, but I kept denying it to myself because I, too was in love with Tadashi and that I didn't want to lose him.

Tadashi pulled me into another hug, this time a little tighter, he buried his face on shoulders as I could feel him heave a sigh. The weird tightening in my chest once again could be felt, Tadashi's body was warm against me.

I'm going to miss him so much.

"Tadashi-kun . . ." I whispered.

He didn't reply for a few seconds, still not pulling away from the hug, Tadashi-kun muffled his voice while his face still buried on my shoulder, "Yeah?"

"I'm moving away to Kyoto by next week,"

Tadashi-kun pulled away from the hug hastily, his eyes searched mine, "Already?" His voice sounded shock but he was able to conceal it, his mouth gaped open.

I used the sleeves of my jacket to wipe the tears that were left on my cheeks and down my chin, "Yep, I got accepted," I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly, smiling, even though it pained me. A lot.

His blinking became rapid, he frowned deeply his lips drawn in tightly, pouting outwards but then his expression softens, a sparkle in his eyes.

"I've always been so proud of you, Yachi-san," Tadashi-kun's posture relaxed and extended his arms, signaling me to hug him.

I happily complied, burying my face on his chest, a sudden comfort was washed over me as if I was never broken hearted, Tadashi-kun really had that comforting presence that no one had.

As if he always felt like home.

I loved to touch him - never in a sexual way, never anywhere other than his face, his hands, his greenish hair that fell in tousled locks. His warmth would seep into my being and he comforted me without ever opening his mouth.

I'd melt into him like ice-cream on a warm porcelain bowl, like I belonged next to him, like he belonged next to me. And each time before we parted the aching to be in his arms would begin anew.

No wonder why Tsukishima-san loves him very much. I coudn't blame him at all. Tadashi-kun is very much lovable. I felt Tadashi-kun sigh in our embrace as he speaks, making his chest vibrate on my ear.

"Would you eat rice cakes with me in the cafeteria tomorrow, again?" He asks, making a smile crept on my face as I sniffled Tadashi-kun's faint balm of fabric conditioner with a hint of his usual perfume that I always thought for girls.

I hummed softly, "Affirmative,"