The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

thirty-six.

CW/TW: HOMOPHOBIA

Yamaguchi

"You'll grow up into a fine man, Tadashi."

"I'm sure all girls will go crazy over you!"

"Make sure you marry the prettiest girl you'll meet when you grow up."

"Don't be like the other people, Tadashi. Men are only for women, so are women to men."

Yachi-chan . . .

Yachi . . .

Yachi . . .

I was running . . . and so were my thoughts.

I was running as fast as I could, not looking back. Running until my legs felt numb, the coldness of the air also numbing my face.

But that didn't stop me from running. I ran as if my life depended on it, my breath hitching, I couldn't grasp it anymore, I feel like my legs would collapse anytime soon.

I ran through the winding side streets as the sky rumbled, and heavy rain bounced off the cobblestones. A storm smothered the skies, greying the world around me. Drops of rain beat against my skin like hammers, my jacket soaked as it absored each droplets.

It was so cold.

Damn it.

The rain trickled down on my face. I couldn't tell if it was my tears or the rain that was drowning me, but I was gasping for air, gasping as if it felt like my lungs was full of water.

I knew something was wrong with me.

Ever since the day I met Tsukki . . . Ever since the day our eyes met for the first time, I knew something was wrong with me. I'm not normal. This isn't normal. Why am I feeling this?

This feeling isn't normal. It's cursed, or that's what my mother taught me. I shouldn't be loving someone who's . . . the same gender as me. But why . . . Tsukki? I like Yachi-san but the kiss I had with Tsukki felt so different compared to the kiss I had with Yachi-san.

I'm so scared.

The moment that I feel like my lungs and legs would collapse, I stopped running and stood underneath the heavy rain, I gripped both my knees and cried with the sky. In seconds, my entire clothes and skin were bedraggled.

Each drop sits on my skin like a puddle that will never leave, perfectly formed, perfectly cold. I feel the water steal my body heat just a tiny bit at a time.

I have become accustomed to the elements, to the wind and chill. There is a coziness in my suffering, as if life has and will always be this way. There is comfort in predictability.

This can't be real.

I grew up through my mother's teachings and so she despised the idea of loving and having a sexual or romantic relationship with the same gender. She hated it. With every bit of her cell in her body.

"Tadashi, listen to me, you cannot love someone who's the same gender as you. You'll only get yourself hurt."

That's what she told me over and over again throughout my sixteen years of existence. She didn't want her only son to be a queer. And neither do I. But then, why do I feel like this?

As if it felt like I'm sinnning and had made the biggest mistake in my entire life. It's difficult to deal with close-minded strangers, but it can be even more difficult dealing with relatives who reject queer people.

Tadashi, it's just a phase, you'll get over it.

I breathe in when the rain had finally settled down, as it only started to drizzle. The scent of rain smelled sweet in night time of autumn. A smell so fragile I inhale deeply to guess its fragrance. It is clean and crisp like mountain air but not strong.

Coolness surrounds my shoulders and I close my eyes to relish the moment and the smell of rain, but cannot capture words.

I stood there, feeling the wind crept its way through my damp clothes, I held my sides and shivered through the coldness when I hear a voice from my behind.

"Yamaguchi-kun?"

Tsukki?

My heart started to beat against my chest, when I decide to peer over from my behind only to witness Yachi-san standing with an umbrella over her head, a scarf wrapped around her and a thick orange coat she wore, her hair pulled back into a ponytail away from her face.

She studied my face and my entire state, Yachi-san's nose and cheeks were reddish from the coldness of the temperature but when I saw her, something warm in me started to take over.

I ran to her and pulled her into a tight hug, she was a bit caught off guard. In her embrace, the cold rain felt like it had stopped and the cars became silent in that back ally. In her embrace the world stopped still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no rain.

My mind was at peace. How could it be that I hadn't seen Yachi-san's love for what it was before? Pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. Free. I felt her body press in, soft and warm.

"I'm so sorry, Yachi-san," My words hardly managed to break out as the sob's I was holding in chocked my voice back. My chin rested on top of her head, my arms clenched her tighter.

What the hell did I do to deserve her?

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AAAAAAA FILLER CHAPTER ILL SEE IF I CAN UPDATE LATERRR!!!