The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

fourty-nine.

Chapter 49: Unrequited Love

Inspired by the song "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver.

❝I tell my love to wreck it all,
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall.❞

Yamaguchi

"Tell me, or I'll kiss you,"

I wanted to speak.

But my lips were sealed shut.

I stared at Tsukki's face for a few seconds with horror and confusion mixed in my expression, until his breathing fumed, as if he's growing impatient.

"Fuck, you really won't speak, will you?" He scoffed, licking his lips before staring down at my lips which somehow been paralyzed.

Frozen from top to bottom, I stared at him blankly as he grew fidgety, "Don't pull out," He mumbled under his breath, before crashing his lips to mine, without hesitation, completely closing the gap between our faces.

I felt the tears that I had been holding back and had been threatening to fall cascade down my cheeks, my lips were frozen, as if it couldn't sync with Tsukki's soft, plum lips.

Next thing I knew, I was obeying to whatever he was saying as if I was fully captivated and spell-bound by his words and how they spill so freely from his pinkish lips.

I can't do this.

I closed my eyes, and let my lips move on its own.

I can't do this.

Our lips moved as if we already know what's next.

I can't do this.

I wrapped my arms around his bare shoulder as his hands traveled inside my shirt, carressing the small of my back with his long fingers, pressed on my skin. He groaned in my mouth as I felt his hard-on pressing on my stomach as he slightly hump his waist back and fourth, making me moan.

Tsukki kissed me like I wanted to be kissed, like no other had ever kissed me, soft, hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment.

His hands trailed up at the back of my head, pulling my hair back to stop the kiss abruptly, "Tell me, do you regret it?" He groaned, his voice rasping from his throat.

My chest tightened as I hear the question again, but I tried to push it at the back of my mind as he started to palm my hardening manhood through my jersey shorts, I felt my head going hazy by how his hand gets me worked up so quickly, I was breathless, drowning in pleasure.

"I love you,"

No.

The same guilt churned in me, revisiting me all over again. There's no way I could hear Yacchan's voice in my head while Tsukki's right in front of me, kissing and palming me.

"I love you,"

I heard Yacchan's voice again, "T-Tsukki, stop . . ." I whispered, in between kisses.

"I love you,"

I could feel my hot tears forming at the corners of my eyes as I could muster the strength to push Tsukki by his chest, completely breaking the kiss.

[cue "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver. I PUT THE SONG UP THERE SO YALL CAN PLAY IT WHILE READING. ily UwU]

"I said stop," I exclaimed, breathlessly, still dazed from the kiss, with tears welling up from my eyes.

Tsukki's facial expression was broken, pained as he stared at my face with his wide, brown eyes, his face still stained with red but etched with sorrow, confusion and shock.

"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled, pushing pass him as I was quick to left the club room. I rushed down the staircase, my heart beating wildly.

I knew I couldn't trust myself when I'm alone with Tsukki. To put it in the other way, I would just fall for him over and over again, no matter how hard I try to push him away, I would just come crawling back to his arms and lips.

I hate it.

I hate myself for it. Tsukki would just bring destruction to my relationship with everyone and I don't want to be selfish. Being practical is what's more important.

Love is such a pathetic thing that would just break you. The bitterness is rising like bile into my mouth but when Tsukki's gone I'll have no reason to swallow it anymore. Love is never ending, it just fades away until there is nothing there except a hollow heart.

I want to be with Yachi. To build a future with her. Or maybe even marry her. But I know to myself that I couldn't do any of that because of . . . Tsukki.

A rose whose petals were way too delicate to touch, softest of the soft, yet thorns that'll wound you severely if one does not know how to handle, carry, pick, and admire.

A universe that so immense that every inch of Tsukki is a whole galaxy with its moon that twinkles amidst the darkness of the cosmos, and I was his stars. Tsukki was a world that I entered and never regretted to have ever done that.

I knew, the first time I laid eye on Tsukki, he was going to be a meaningful part of my life, and I wasn't wrong about that ever since.

It was enchanting when we fell in love with each other. Days were years that he and I counted and every moonshine was countless of sleepless nights we had talked and mingled and enjoyed with each other with different topics about almost everything, or just about us.

We yearned on each other's details, dumbfounded and in every detail was a canvass made to explain one another's thoughts and emotions.

While I walk, I shivered from the cold wind when I remembered that I didn't have a jacket on. As I grabbed my jacket from my bag, stood Yacchan in front of me, with her wide grin, I flinched by the sight of her, shocked even.

"The meeting was delayed, so, I thought I'd tell you," Yacchan smiled, her hair was flying away from her face because of the wind brushing her hair.

"What happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost," Yacchan giggled, so carefree and genuine as she held unto her bag straps by her sides.

I blinked a few times, staring at her, I always thought she looked effortlessly pretty, "Nothing," I said, plastering a smile across my face, "Ready to go?" I asked her as she nodded in reply.

Yacchan and I walked with our hands intertwined together, walking away from the campus after a few minutes of silent walking. All of a sudden, Yacchan stopped abruptly, and gazed her eyes intently to mine.

Her eyes glints from the streetlights and turn to the side to face me completely, Yacchan stared down to her shoes as she rocks it back and fourth before looking back at me to ask.

"Do you love me?"

My heart leaps up to my throat, as I tried to say something, but then again, I was out of words. I didn't know what to say or reply to her. I hate when this happens.

But then, after all, I couldn't lie to her face.

After a few seconds, I swallowed hard and blinked a few times before gathering all my willpower to speak up, "Yacchan, I . . ." I whispered, wondering how I could put it delicately, carressing her left cheek on my other hand while the other held her small hand.

I tried. I tried to look for the right words. But I couldn't. I just can't. And my heart isn't ready for this.

The light from Yacchan's eyes disappeared in an instant, her eyes brimming with tears as she looked down to chuckle to herself, I watched her. I could feel my chest tightening up, taking away all the oxygen that's left in me.

Yacchan heaved a heavy exhale before wiping the tears that had already stained her cheeks, she fixed her gaze at me with her eyes, dull, her cheeks and nose reddish from crying.

She didn't look like the cheerful girl I always admire, Yachi looked like a whole different person when broken.

"It's about Tsukishima-san, isn't it?"