St. Boniface Vikings (Part 1)

Lisa Goes to Washington

Nolan notices an ad for an essay contest where the winner receives an all expense paid trip to Washington, D.C., but when he reads that entrants to the contest must be children, he quickly tosses the magazine aside. However, an interested Lisa retrieves the magazine and reads more about the contest, which is for children under twelve and must be pro-American, and she plans to write her own essay and enter the contest.

Up in her room, Lisa skims through her history book and tries to come up with some inspiration for her essay. After a few unsuccessful tries at an opening, Marva Lynn suggests that Lisa takes a bike ride to try and help her clear her mind. Lisa grabs her pad of paper, and rides her bike to the Springfield National Forest. She picks a giant tree to sit under and asks nature to help inspire her. A bald eagle perches on a branch directly in front of her and spreads its wings. Lisa becomes instantly inspired by the majestic sight and begins writing.

A few days later, after Lisa writes her essay, Nolan brings her to the regional finals for the essay contest at the Veterans of Popular Wars building. After several children from different parts of the country read their essays at their respective regional finals, Lisa's essay is met with high marks from the judges. However, one of the judges thinks that her essay was too good, and that she might have gotten help from her parents. The judge confronts Nolan, and after a brief conversation with him, she realizes that Nolan couldn't have helped Lisa, and she gives Lisa extra points for having a less-than-intelligent father. The judge informs the two that Lisa has won for her region and that they will be going to Washington, D.C. for the national finals of the contest.

On a plane at 30,000 feet, the Smith family makes their way to Washington, D.C. Regardless, the plane lands at the Airport in D.C., and the family takes a cab to the Watergate Hotel. While their cab is stuck in traffic while in transit, Marva Lynn points out the IRS to Nolan, who immediately takes the opportunity to loudly boo them in displeasure, with an IRS accountant then looking out the window and demanding he "boo" himself. Upon arrival, Kevin pulls a prank where he has the elevator go up and down every single floor and leaves just as the next occupant to the elevator boards, much to the occupant's chagrin. Up in their room, Marva Lynn and Nolan marvel at all the amenities provided; Marva Lynn is impressed with the welcoming mints, while Nolan falls in love with the shoe horn. Meanwhile, Kevin and Lisa hang out in their room, and at 2:00 in the morning, Kevin prank calls Nolan in the next room by giving him a wake up call.

The next day, Lisa and all the other contestants and their families gather for a welcoming luncheon, as the patriotism editor at Reading Digest, introduces herself. She gives the family their VIP passes, and they explore Washington, D.C. for a day. On their tour of the White House, they visit the historical one lane bowling alley, where Richard Nixon is bowling back to back 300 games. Their VIP tour continues at the U.S. Mint, where Nolan drools over the large amounts of money; the National Air and Space Museum, where Kevin plays around in the Spirit of St. Louis; and the Washington Monument, where Marva Lynn makes an adult joke to Nolan regarding the monument.

The next morning, Lisa wanders around Washington, D.C. alone, and is torn about what to do with her essay, as she no longer believes in what she has written. As he begins ranting and complaining, Lisa walks away to look for advice and new inspiration elsewhere. On the steps of Capitol Hill, Lisa watches the politicians mill about and laugh in conversation. She suddenly comes up with an idea for a new essay, saying, "The truth must be told."

Back at the hotel, Kevin's room is full of empty food trays, and a bellman brings him some fresh laundry as he relaxes while receiving a massage. Nolan peeks his head in, and when he sees the expensive things Kevin has ordered, he becomes angered and attempts to choke Kevin, who quickly reminds him that the trip is all expenses paid. Soon after, Nolan smokes a cigar while receiving a massage.

The finals for the essay contest are held at the Kennedy Center, where a musician plays a corny little song and dance solo on the piano about the National Deficit to warm up the audience. The editor introduces the panel of judges to the audience, and she introduces Lisa as the first contestant. Lisa is nowhere to be found and the audience begins to murmur, when suddenly, a scowling Lisa stomps in from outside and makes her way to the podium. She requests to read a different essay she has prepared and she grants her permission. Lisa reads her newly written essay that is filled with anger and rage towards the American government for its corruption. The audience gasps, murmurs, and boos as Lisa finishes her essay; one of the judges happens to be a Senate page, and rushes to a phone to inform his superior Senator that a little girl is losing faith in democracy. The Senator is shocked at this news, and a plan is quickly put into place to restore Lisa's faith. Meanwhile, he musician is back on stage, this time with a corny song and dance about the Trading Gap. As he finishes his number, the editor steps to the podium to announce the results that have been tabulated. Lisa, with her faith restored, sheepishly stands up on stage with the other finalists. Not surprisingly, Lisa does not win the contest, but she does teach the audience an important lesson, and the winner of the contest gives honorable mention to Lisa for reminding the public that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance to stand against corruption. In fact, Truong Van Dinh was originally a winner, but the supervisor disqualifies him for not living in this country, but went to Lonnie Joseph Williams from Dallas, Texas.

Nolan, however, loudly demands that the winner give Lisa the check, glumly stating he is serious about the request when everyone proceeds to laugh at him. As the musician plays a final corny song and dance number, Kevin pulls out his slingshot and pelts the musician on stage, causing him to halt mid-song. Lisa asks Kevin why he did so, and he replies, "Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in." On the other hand, Marva Lynn is pregnant with their fourth child and calls Paul, Grady, Ed, Fran, Bill, Mick, Roy, Fred and Karl on the phone about Lisa's bad lucks.