St. Boniface Vikings (Part 1)

Smiths Roasting On an Open Fire

Nolan hastily drives the car with Marva Lynn and Marla Lynn through a snow-covered street. They are late for Kevin and Lisa's Christmas pageant at St. Boniface Elementary School. After crashing into a pile of snow at the front of St. Boniface Elementary School park, Nolan and Marva Lynn stumble through a full audience to find their seats. Nolan and Marva Lynn sit down just in time to see the principal introduce the second grade. The band teacher introduces Lisa, playing Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. Lisa's dance causes awe throughout the crowd. Lisa performs a skilled dance with lit torches, performing tricks such as throwing it around herself – Lisa also wears see-through clothing, effectively 'revealing' Lisa completely at the end of her act. The principal eventually introduces the fourth grade singing Christmas carols. Jingle Bells is sung first and after the first verse, Kevin picks up his voice volume during the chorus and sings a Batman-themed parody, causing an irate principal to withdraw Kevin from the performance. Nolan gives a disappointed look for Kevin's actions, but as the pageant continues he grows bored and wonders aloud how long the pageant will last.

At the Smith family home, Marva Lynn writes a letter for the Smith family Christmas cards, as Nolan gets out Christmas decorations, and Kevin and Lisa write their Christmas wish lists. In the letter, Marva Lynn describes family life. As she reads the letter, Marva Lynn's narration describes her writing. Marva Lynn soon stops writing, due to Nolan's grumpy demeanor. Kevin and Lisa show Marva Lynn their wish lists. They are interrupted by a phone call; Nolan answers to Delphine who refuses to speak with him, requesting Marva Lynn; a grumbling Nolan hands the phone over to Marva Lynn and the two sisters discuss their plans, Christmas Eve—the sisters also find time to criticize Marva Lynn's choice in a husband.

Nolan is outside adding the finishing touches to the Christmas lights on the roof, while the three children watch. Nolan falls from the roof, lands in the snow, and calls out to Marva Lynn to power the lights. Only a few of the lights actually light up, and Nolan admires his handy work, while the kids are less than impressed. Cousins Paul, Grady, Ed and Fran were also outside, along with their wives, and ready to plug in their lights for the first time; Fran calls out to Nolan and tells him to admire his superiority. The lights illuminate everyone's faces and much to Nolan's dismay; his kids are very impressed at cousins' display of lights, yet Nolan still manages to criticize their work obviously jealous over the fact their display is better than his own.

Marva Lynn tells the kids to grab their money so they can go Christmas shopping at the St. Boniface Mall. As the excited kids run off to get their money, Nolan asks Marva Lynn where she has been keeping the Christmas savings. It is a very large jar full of money, impressing Nolan.

The next day, Nolan does the Christmas shopping alone. He purchases pantyhose for Marva Lynn and pads of paper for Kevin. While purchasing such dismal presents, Nolan uses empty optimism to assure his own self. On his way out the door with his bag of presents, Nolan accidentally crashes into his cousins, while they carried an armful of fancily wrapped packages. All the presents are spilled onto the ground, and as Nolan picks the few he purchased and sees how many they bought, they attempt to sort the presents, unintentionally gloating his wealth. At Moe's Bar, Nolan drinks a beer alone. Nolan suddenly has an idea, so he goes to the personnel office in the mall, where he fills out an application and is interviewed to be a mall Santa. After he finishes reviewing Nolan's application, as well as interviewing him, the personnel director welcomes Nolan aboard and sends him to mall Santa training. A montage of Nolan enduring Santa training ensues, with the Hypnotist as the teacher.

Nolan finally gets home late at night and a worried Marva Lynn wants to know where he has been. Nolan assures the insignificance of his tardiness and heads upstairs, but Marva Lynn tells him they have guests, Delphine and Walburga. As Nolan talks to his twin sisters-in-law, they comment on the fact that the Smiths don't have a Christmas tree up yet. Nolan gives false information and tells them he was about to leave, and he rushes out the door.

Back at home, Nolan stands up the tree, and everyone is impressed except for Delphine and Walburga. On Christmas Eve at the mall, Nolan works as Santa Claus, while children wait in line to sit on his lap, one being a very greedy child. From a distance, Kevin, Danny and Steve watch the children line up to sit on Santa's lap while they comment on the gullibility of the kids. Steve dares Kevin to yank off Santa's beard and Kevin agrees. Kevin jumps in line and finally gets his turn on Santa's lap. Not knowing that Santa is really Nolan, Kevin yanks off his beard. Kevin is surprised at what he uncovers, and Nolan escorts Kevin into Santa's workshop for speaking in private. Nolan explains the situation to Kevin, who understands and feels terrible for pulling Nolan's beard off.

Kevin goes with Nolan as he picks up his check. Nolan is surprised to learn that his net pay is only $13. When he questions the cashier, she explains the majority of his check went to pay for the Santa suit and beard, social security, unemployment insurance, training, and Christmas club account balance. While a depressed Nolan sits down to figure out what to do with the $13, an excited Jim, the black friend, tells Nolan that he is going to the St. Boniface Downs to place a bet with his earnings. He invites Nolan to come along with him, ensuring a win on the dog Whirlwind. Nolan is reluctant but Kevin convinces him to go, citing that this might be their only chance to save the Smith family Christmas.

Marva Lynn, Marla Lynn, Paul, Grady, Ed, Fran, the wives and Lisa wait for Nolan and Kevin to come home. Marva Lynn said that they will be there by 10 PM or she'll call the police. Meanwhile, at the dog track, Jim insists Nolan should bet on Whirlwind. After seeing what Whirlwind looks like, Nolan is reluctant to bet on him. Just then, an announcement plays over the P.A. system: a dog named Santa's Little Helper will be replaced in the fourth race. Kevin senses that the announcement is an omen and chooses to ask Nolan to bet on him, and despite the fact that the odds are ninety-nine to one, which means that the dog's winning chances are extremely rare. Nolan puts down all $13 on Santa's Little Helper. Nolan and Kevin anxiously await the running of the fourth race. As the race begins, Nolan and Kevin cheer on Santa's Little Helper, but Whirlwind, Jim's pick, is out to an early lead with Santa's Little Helper bringing up the rear. Nolan and Kevin quickly realize their chances at winning any money are dashed, as Santa's Little Helper finishes last.

A dejected Kevin and Nolan head back to their car, when off in the distance they see the racing dog owner, scolding Santa's Little Helper and sending him away for losing once again. Santa's Little Helper leaps up into Nolan's arms. Kevin asks Nolan if they can keep the dog. Nolan, reluctant at first, quickly warms up to the dog and plans to take him home. Back at the Smith home, while everyone still awaits Kevin and Nolan's return, a sad-looking Nolan arrives, and Kevin finally introducing the family to Santa's Little Helper and watches the hound run into the room barking. Everyone ignores Nolan and falls in love with Santa's Little Helper. Marva Lynn forgives Nolan and he realizes that in the end, he has done a good job providing gifts at Christmas for the Smith family. A photo of the happy family is then taken.