Love is Weak

Chapter 48 - Battle Scars

Lillian

Once the Atlas lifted off the ground, Keith headed towards the Bridge, and I went to my dorm, our new roles taking precedence to our relationship.

I changed out of my purple Garrison assigned uniform and into my Blade suit, strapping my blade around my waist.

I went in search of the ship's training deck, which ended up being located near the MFE hangar.

Convenient.

I trained for a few hours, mostly sprinting, and occasionally fighting a training bot. I was mainly trying not to think about the events of earlier that morning. It was entirely too painful to think about the fact that my fiancé had seen me at my absolute lowest, the weakest I had ever been.

At that thought, the bot I had been fighting disintegrated.

"Woah, chill," Josh said, coming in behind me.

I put my blade away, trying to appear calm and put together.

"That's what I'm trying to do," I grumbled.

"You can't fight your problems, Lillian." He came closer to me, sitting down on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Sit," Josh said.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

I paused. "We're the same rank. You can't tell me what to do."

"This isn't about rank. It's about friendship, and I'm concerned. Now, sit."

I groaned. "What?"

"First," Josh said gently, "Not everything has to do with rank and authority. There does come a point where you need to just be a person. A person with feelings, thoughts, and emotions. With relationships, flaws, and friendships. You know, I see the way you act with Keith, and I know you're a person, but apart from him, you're a soldier. You need to let that part of you go. We're near the end of this war. What are you going to do when you can't fight anymore? When you're not leading people anymore?"

He had a point, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

I looked down, putting a hand to my arm.

"Second," he said, "We need to talk about Kiana."

I looked up. "No."

"Yes, Lillian."

"No, absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"There's nothing to talk about. She died. That's all there is to it," I said.

Josh looked pained. "There's more to it than that, and you know it. You and I both have so much we need to heal from, and it's better to heal together. You and I are the only ones alive from that experience, except Kolivan, of course. We shared in that pain, and now we need to share in the healing. For both our sakes."

I closed my eyes, turning my head away. I could feel tears coming, and I didn't like it.

"Imagine losing Keith, Lillian." Josh's voice cracked.

Immediately, I felt his pain, and I lost it, the tears streaming down my cheeks before I could stop them.

"Simply imagining it isn't nearly as bad as living it," he said.

"She was close to me too, you know," I said bitterly. "And for the record, I was the one that held her while she took her very last breath. You have no idea how traumatic it is to watch your best friend die."