Afraid

28.

Quick a/n;
I don't know I feel about this chapter. Umm do you guys think it's going to fast or Slow? Don't forget to vote & comment. Also the songs listened below or on any other chapters, you don't necessarily have to listen to those are just what I listened to too & help create the dialogue, atmosphere and emotions. I feel like I have been updating too much lately. Anyways I just want to say thank you guys for always leaving sweet comments & voting. I truly appreciate it and I didn't really think anybody would read my book. i love you guys. Oh another note, I'm currently looking for a new cover, so if you guys want to submit one just inbox me & I'll give you all the details. Okay carry on & have a good day.

Songs for this chapter :
Demons- Imagine Dragons(beginning)
Born to Die- Lana Del Rey(middle)
Skinny Love- Birdy, Vanic Remix(the end)

Zayn's POV
It has already been nine days into the new year and it's already a bad year. I sat down staring at a piece of blank paper. With a pencil in my hand concentrating on the white piece of paper it was blank ...it was like my life is on that paper... blank. After that night my dad decided it would be a good idea to see my correction officer rather than my old therapist. He was a loser, he didn't help me.

He kicked his feet onto the table startling me, "So that's how you feel? Blank." He asks me, as I continue to stare. I can't feel anything but pain.

I look up, "It's either blank or black." That's how I feel. He told me to draw how i feel, well I'm in a dark place, and I feel empty.
Alex made me feel like I don't exist, like my mum did.

Mr.Livingston clears his throat, "Zayn, I know we have our differences. But I'm here for you. Listen I was once your age with girls, and my first heartbreak was rough. I tried to kill myself."

I look back down, crossing my arms, "I don't know how exactly I feel. I never got attached, it was always just sex for me. But she was different. Her personality was different. Her heart was different. She didn't want sex, she wanted love." I look back up at him. Why did I fall for the good girl, they were always boring to me. Except Alex, she was extraordinary, full of love to give, passion to stand up for herself.

He frowns, "Olivia Lanes, was my first girlfriend. We fought, and she left me," he scratches his neck "the next morning, her parents told me she had got into a car accident that night. I let her leave, I caused her death. She was pregnant."

I part my lips, how devastating is that. I can't imagine the pain he went through, "Mr. Livingston, I'm sorry for your lost. I don't get how that is suppose to help me." I feel like a complete dick, always giving him a hard time.

He sniffles, "Do you love her?" He refers to Alex. I shake my head, "It's complicated."

He shakes his head drinking his tea, "No it's not. Yes or no. Do you love her Zayn?"

"Yes." I blurt out. I don't even have to think about it, because I know I love Alex.

"Then tell her. When Olivia left, I told her I hated her. That's why she left. I didn't mean it though. I loved Olivia. We were fighting because she wanted an abortion, but I didn't want her to have one. Don't live life with regrets Zayn. I know you love her, before her you used to come here every other week. But ever since you meet her you were out of trouble, I hardly seen you."

I chuckle, "But is it me or her? She told me that she can't have me."

He leans against his chair, "It's both of you. Just teenagers in love that are confused about life, and love. Afraid of the future. Zayn, you and Alex are the future."

I shake my head disappointed, "We aren't the future. There is no future."

As much as I want to believe him, I have to been honest with myself, forevers aren't really forever. It's just a promise people make when they aren't thinking straight. My parents did that. Harry's parents did that, along with Louis's. In a way, Alex's parents are meant for each other.