Afraid

12.

Alex's POV

I hear my door open, and I can hear footsteps coming closer and closer to me. My head is turned to the side, my hair is all over my face. I hear my dad laugh, I open one eye, and move my body to face him. I open both eyes, and yawn. My dad is dressed in his uniform and he is grinning at me "Get ready kiddo."

I groan "Give me 10minutes to wake up, and 20minutes to get ready." I hate these monthly appointments. I know I need them, but still I am stable. I think.

--

When we get there, I sign in and wait with my dad in the waiting room. He watches the TV they have there. I nervously tap my foot on the floor, waiting to get this over with. My mind is a complete blank, like a paper. My dad squeezes my hand, and smiles gently at me "You're fine Alex." I smile.

The door opens, and a young lady with red lipstick and dressed in a short black dress comes out with a clipboard "Mendez? Alex Mendez." I sigh, and get up. My dad stays in the waiting room. She walks me to a room, it's a bit chilly, and the room is engulf with the sun lighting the room.

"Mrs. Hales, will be with you shortly." She leaves, I sit there quietly playing with my fingers whiling examining the room. It's a bit different from last month.

The door opens, and Mrs. Hales comes in, she smiles at me "Alex, you look different, glowing perhaps." I smile.

She sits down, and takes her papers out, getting situated while I sit there.

"So, Alex, last time you were here, you told me your moving. How is the new house?" She asks

"Umm it's good. I guess, I mean I switched schools. But the house to beautiful." I say nodding, this is useless.

She smiles and crosses her legs "Good. How is school?"

School is boring and Jackie really gets under my skin. "School is good, my grades are good. I am going to a public school now."

"Oh, and how is that."

I smile "it's different, so much people, and crazy. But I like it." Private school and public school are so different.

"That's great. Let's talk about you." Her tone changes, more serious. And my throat feels dry. I need water.

I feel shy all of a sudden "What about me? I am good." I try to give her a smile, but I can't pull it off. She knows me too well.

She gives me that cut the crap look, and I look down "Alex, you said that six months ago, and then you ended up at the hospital." She makes me feel low of myself.

I shrug my shoulders "I thought I was." That night was bad, beyond bad. I don't want to remember that night. It was extremely bad.

She nods her head and writes down something. I start to pick at my old nail polish on my nails, waiting for this to be over "Tell me Alex. This is what your paying me for. Somebody to talk too, since you can't talk to your parents."

I feel tears start to prickle in my eyes, my vision becoming a complete blur. I take a breath looking at the ceiling. I feel the lump in my throat "I just want this to be over with. The pain, the fear of failing. I need something stronger than God. I feel empty, like I am fading." I wipe my tears away, and I look at her for help. Please say something.

Her face saddens, and she shifts "What do you need Alex?"

That's the thing, I don't know. I have everything but I still want something deeper. "I can't pin exactly what I need. But I don't want to feel like this. I feel like everything is going to too fast and I can't keep up. What should I do?"