Afraid

50.

I made this for Afraid, it's basically an edit for the entire book :)

I listened to Until we bleed by Lykke Li

Zayn's Pov

Three days later

I always thought love was a waste of an emotion. I thought maybe if I never put any interest in a girl, I would be able to just have a quick fuck with her. But Alex was different, I first laid my eyes on her, when she was crying, and in need for arms to wrap around her to make her feel safe. And for once, I was finally exposed to feelings towards a girl. I never witnessed a girl cry, I was intrigued with how she held her face in her small palms crying. Her silent scream as she took deep breathes. I saw her as a vulnerable person, I saw the real Alex before I met the one that act like nothing bothered her, or her uncle abused her, I saw her inside and outside. And she was beautiful.

In exactly three hours, my first love was moving to a different country. I had exactly three hours to occupy myself, to find a way to let go, forgive her, forgive myself. To find out exactly where I found myself within her.

Soulmates are complete bullshit, there is never actually a forever, it's just all in our hearts. I strived for a forever with Alex, but now I know, maybe it's okay if we don't always let people in. If Alex was just another girl, it wouldn't hurt this much. I wouldn't have to keep shouting at myself in the mirror because I hated my reflection. I was a flame that turned everything I touched into ash.

Alex was moving forward, leaving her troubles of Bradford here, because in New York, she didn't have to tell anyone that she lost her baby, or that she was part of a sickening revenge act. She could just be Alex, and nobody would know how much she suffered her whole life.

I sat on my bed, my head hanging low as I stared at the damn wooden floor shamefully. I ruined everything; my relationship, my friendship, my father's' life. As the clock ticked, I'd took a breath. I'd would do anything to distract myself. Every bone ached in my body to go back to Alex.

But I had too much pride.

My door slowly opened, I raised my head up. A curly head popped up, "Let's go out for a ride." Harry's smile was full of grief, he was sad that after eighteen years of friendship, none of us would ever be close again.

I slouched my shoulders, "No thanks." I mumbled kicking my foot up on my bed, as I positioned myself laying down. My arm was thrown over my eyes blocking everything.

I felt my bed sink, "Your father called me. He is worried Zayn." Harry's voice cracked

I felt extremely guilty that I worried my friends and family. It was never my intention to be this way. "Harry, I am fine."

"A bit of fresh air will do you some good." Harry hymn trying to persuade me. His voice was hinting annoyance, he didn't want to be here.

I sigh sitting up, "I know you are mad at me. I know that all of you guys are mad at me."

I watched as Harry's lips pressed in a thin line. He was silent for a while before he cleared his throat, "You put Liam in the hospital. We aren't mad, just confused. Nobody will tell us anything. Alex won't say anything," he blinked at me, he studied to see if her name affected me. He resumed, "Did anything happen between them?" He asked with hesitation.

For what it is worth, them being together probably wouldn't hurt as much as this did. I shook my head, "No."

Harry stared at me, "Well why did you go to his house, and beat the bloody hell out of him?" His tone was sharp