Afraid

24.

Song for this chapter : I'll be good - Jaymes Young. (Yes that's how you spell it)

Zayn's POV

Silence. That's what consumed us, pure silence. I would steal glances at her, as she sat beside Gemma watching tv. It's been three days, since we talked. She looks broken, dark circles under her eyes are noticeable through her makeup that attempt to cover them. Her brown eyes now fading. Her face looks slim, her body as well. How? It's only been three days. Harry clears his throat, "Louis is here. Are you ready?" I nod, taking one last glance at her. She doesn't look at me, Gemma weakly smiles at me.

Harry and I walk outside, each step I take I say her name in my head repeatedly. How can I go on with my day knowing I didn't say hi to her. Harry pats my back, "Trust me, it's killing her too."

"She tells you?" I ask opening the door. Louis greets us, giving harry a peak on his cheek.

"Her mom told me. She said she hasn't ate, and she has nightmares at night. Alex told her dad that you went out of town. She doesn't want him to hate you." Now I feel like crap. Maybe this is wrong and I should talk to her.

"She warned me. About this. Complications, but I wanted her so badly." I try my hardest not to break down. She is only person I let in, she lite up the darkness when I was lost. I found a way, but now I'm completely lost without her.

Louis turns around to look at me, "Maybe it's time for you guys to talk. You can't let her get away zayn. She won't wait forever mate." He is right, but I just don't know how to approach this situation without getting mad.

I feel a lump in my throat, "I think I love her."

Harry turns around, Louis hits the breaks. Causing us to jerk in the car, "Thats amazing. Why don't you tell her that?" He sounds ecstatic.

A million reasons why i can't. Personal reasons, a guy like me doesn't deserve love. Especially from a person like Alex. She deserves more, that I can offer her. I can only offer so much. There's more for her than me. I shrug, "I never exactly opened up to anyone like I have with Alex. She doesn't like when I doubt myself. She gives me hope. I wish I had her ambition, and heart. To be a good person like her."

Louis continues to drive, "But you are a great person. We know you are Zayn. You had a rough start in life, and that's not your fault. You never had that motherly love, your father showed you tough love. Let Alex show you love."

Harry nods, "That's the thing, Alex experienced it before, she knows. Let her show you a couple things. She is truly a beautiful person. She has struggles that made her stronger." I think about her Uncle, how he stripped her from her stolen innocence. Her scars on her heart are what make her beautiful, they show her strength. Beautifully destroyed.

"I'm asking for too much." I protest looking at her picture on my phone. It's my screensaver. A picture of her smiling with me resting my chin on her shoulder making a cheesy smile.

"No you're not. You're asking for chance to experience something so powerful. Honestly Zayn, I would rather see you alone for the rest of your life than for you not to be with her. I can't picture you with someone else, and I'm not just saying you because that's what I feel, but because I know." I believe him, it's just I could see Alex with someone else. Everyone falls in love with her, it's the way you talk to her and she makes you feel so welcomed. Her personality makes you fall in love with her. I know Martin loves her. He looks at her the way Steven looks at Lana.

We arrive at Niall's house shortly. Liam suggested a guys night. I wanted to stay home, but Harry said no. I told them I had a fall back, with the devil. Harry insisted for me to bring all my syringes and extra needles. The Stars start to light up the sky, darkness overcomes the sky. The bonfire, lights up. Wood burning, cracking.

I hold the small bag carrying the needles and syringes, "I vow to never touch this again for as long as I live. For now on, I will go to my friends from advice. No more of this. It doesn't escape drama, it's creates drama. I probably lost the best thing in my life because of this. Today I will change, for myself." I say boldly believing each word as I throw the bag into the fire. The boys smile, I know they are happy. I feel bad, that I didn't go to them for advice. I just didn't want them to ask questions.

I close my eyes, and all I could see is her flawless smile, with her hair blowing in different directions. I need her more than air. She is my air. I can't breathe without her, the air isn't lung fulfilling for me unless it's hers.

"Alright who is ready for some movies?" Niall says as we enter the house. We all sit in the living room as Niall switches through the channels. I can't stop thinking of her, the way her lips felt pressed against mine. Or how she smiled looking at me. The way she looked at me when I talked about the future. She gave me hope. I stand up and walk outside. I look at my phone finding the strength to call her. I sit on the porch,

After six rings it goes to voicemail.

"Please leave your message after the beep" the recorder says. The line beeps;

"Umm, hi. I understand why you didn't answer my call. I told you I needed time, I don't blame you. Truth is, I didn't need time. I know what I want and that's you, Alex. Listen we both messed up, and I take the blame for my actions. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I pushed you away when I should have let you in. You break all my walls, it's you. It has always been you since I saw you crying that night. Please call me back as soon as you listen to this message. Bye love." I hang up, staring at our picture. Tears escape from my eyes. I don't fight them, I don't care. I just need Alex.

Harry comes outside, he sits besides me patting my back. I shake my head looking at our picture, tears falling on the floor, "I let her go, and I shouldn't have. She doesn't want me." I sob putting my phone on my lap, and cover my face. This girl has totally bewitched me.