Afraid

45.

my playlist for this chapter consist of lousy sex music & sad music. Make sure to follow my new wattpad acc @ravisharold (for a revised afraid!)

Alex's pov

His lips crash with mine, its heavy, new, and rough. Its the sun and the earth colliding. His hands roughly pick up my body, wrapping my legs around his waist. I moan as he walks with me attached onto him upstairs. He kicks my bedroom door open, as his swollen lips touch my neck. I don't feel safe, I feel like a toy to him. I asked for this, and now I deeply regret it. he isn't being gently. Never have I ever feared zayn before until now.

"Shit, I don't have a condom!" He says tossing his jeans onto the floor.

I clung onto him, "I am on the pill don't worry." I say kissing his neck.

I am thrown on the bed breathlessly, it happens to fast for me to look at him. His hands move to my thighs, tugging my jeans down. his breathing is rough, he is ready, so ready. Once my pants are off, he pulls my panties off, his nails scratching my skin. It burns as he crawls down my thighs.

"Ouch." I say squeezing my eyes, he doesn't stop. I hear his belt unbuckle, I feel his body drop onto me. The feeling is unpleasant, I feel like I was standing on the beach, and a wave just cashes into me. his weight holds me down like a anchor. I take a deep breath, "Please try to remember." I surrender to him as he strokes himself, staring at me.

He needs to remember who he isn't. remember that I took his pain away. Remember that I was there for him, when his mother wasn't. he needs to remember the happiness that he felt when she was a ghost to him.

But the look in the eyes, tell me that I was no longer dealing with zayn. I was looking throught the eyes of a heartless boy, that just wants a meaningless fuck.

I push aside my knowledge of Zayn. He doesn't need love, he needs sex, no emotions, no passion, just sex.

He thrusts into me, I cry out. The feeling being bare with him is amazing. But he doesn't stop, he wants more, he thrusts into me again, again, and again. Each thrust going deeper, and harder. My arms grip his forearms trying to subdue the pain. I watch his face as he bites his bottom lip, his eyes are dark, a small crease in the middle of his forehead. His hands are squeezing my hips, his nails digging into my skin. this is the worst that I have seen of him. The pain is too much for me to handle, I cover my eyes and cry silently trying to control myself. His thrusts are vicious, its like pounding a fist into the wall. He moans when he twitches inside me, his liquids shoot inside me.

He pulls out, reaching for my shirt, "Take this off Alex." I sit up, wiping my dry tears, throwing my shirt off, he looks at me licking his lips, "No bra? That's my girl."

His words make me feel used, like a whore. Newly refreshed tears fall down my cheek as he flips me over, "Lift that glorious ass in the air." I do as he says, burying my face in the pillow. Wishing that I could just end all his pain. I hate myself so much for allowing him to just use me like this. Its just another kind of medicine for him.

He enters me slowly as he fingertips trace my spin. His other hand tangles in my hair, but its not painful. It feels good, so good, his thrust are easy and slow. I feel him going deeper, and hitting new spots. I moan into the pillow, my hands grab the bed frame.

I hear him chuckle, "You like this?"

oh god yes, its it different. He scoots up, his thrust sending me moaning. I lift my head, "Zayn" I moan.

He leans down, grabing my throat to lean back, "I am going to fuck you so good," his hot breath against my ear makes me excited. Twirls in my stomach as he throws me down, I push back against him, causing so friction. He grunts as I moan his name, I know he is close, I can feel it. the burning sensation for him to make me numb. He pulls out, spinning me over, "Get on top." I hesitate.