Afraid

25.

I listened to a variety of songs for this chapter but The Heart Wants What It Wants really Inspired me. Along with Every Breaking Wave by U2.

Alex's POV

He watched me like a cat watches a mouse. His stare made me paralyze, I couldn't move. He hasn't talked to me for three days, this isn't normal. We act like we don't exist to each other. I want to look at him and smile, but my eyes can't move from the TV, they're glued to the screen.

Harry breaks the silence clearing his throat, "Louis is here. Are you ready?" I see in the corner of my eye Zayn nodding. He takes one last glance at me. My face flushes, I want to talk to him, but he said he needed time. His words cut through my body, losing half of myself that day.

Zayn just walked in my life and started to shake things. My thoughts disappear when Gemma shakes me gently, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I look at the carpet, it's lovely. Why haven't I noticed it before, "I screwed up. Everything, I was being selfish."

Gemma scoffs, "No you didn't. You took charge and it kind of backfired. Harry tells me everything Zayn says. Has Zayn ever talked about his mum with you?"

Zayn hates her with a undeniable passion, "No, I don't think trusts me that much. I mean we talk about everything else about our life, but he never brings her up."

Gemma nods, "I think he is just afraid to open up, and lose you. Alex, you're his first real relationship. I have never seen him with girls like he is with you. You're special to him."

I smile, taking deep breaths to prevent me from crying. My eyes blur up a bit. Then it makes sense to me. I am a shore, and Zayn is a tidal wave. He'll crash my life, making things ugly, only to be reconstructed and beautiful afterwards.

He is reckless, and I'm not. But that doesn't mean we can't understand each other. Our lives we experienced pain, uncontrollable pain. I learned to live with it, but Zayn hasn't because his dad never fully explained to Zayn what happen with his mother.

"Is that why you invited me over? To talk to me? And the boys talk to Zayn?" I ask

Her smiles resembles Harry's, "Yes. We hate to see you both of you so miserable. You guys are just like peanut butter and jelly. It's not the same without one of the other. You just complete each other. Talk him Alex, he was staring at you like if you were dessert to him! He wants you, and only you."

Gemma is right, I am miserable without talking to him. I miss him, and I know he misses me. My heart beats with overcoming joy. "I'll talk to him. But can we do something tonight. Like get out nails done or go shopping?" I ask

She laughs standing up, "My nails are in need of painting. Shall I invite my mum?"

Oh Anne, she is so lovely, "Of course, please do."
--

"So Alex how is your mum doing?" Anne asks

The lady files my nails down just an inch, "She is good. She got a job recently so she is hardly home."

Anne smiles, "That's right. Harry told me. And your father?"

The old lady dips my fingers into a bowl that has cold water, then dries them opening the black nail polish, starting to coat my nails with the first layer. "He is good. They gave him morning and night shifts. So he is hardly home as well, but besides that he just made Cop of the Month."

Gemma laughs, "That's cool. We should make him cake."

We laugh, when I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket, but I can't get it. My nails are wet, and it's just probably my mom. So I let it vibrate. It's stops shortly after.

When our nails dry, Anne takes us to the beach just for fun. The cold air blows against my face, the waves crash with the rocks. The sky is dark, and our families are here.

Gemma tries to push me when the wave splashes her. Soaking her in the ice cold salt water. I run to shore as she chases me. We sit in the sand burying our feet in the sand and talk about whatever is on our minds.

"How did you feel when Harry told you he was gay?" I ask sticking my arms in my shirt, I start to shiver.

Anne smiles looking at the sea, "I was a bit overwhelmed, but I didn't say anything. I accepted it, he is my son and I love him dearly. If he is happy than so am I."

Gemma coughs, "So am I. He is my baby brother. I'm just happy it's Louis he is with. I kind of suspected it, because him and Louis were always closer than with the other guys."

I smile, leaning my head on Gemma's shoulder, "I liked him when I first met him."

Anne laughs, "I wanted you with my son."

Gemma laughs, "Too bad he is gay." I laugh.

When we go back to Harry's house, I thank Anne and Gemma for taking me out. I really needed this. These past days have been rough for me, I haven't been sleeping good, and I can't eat. I don't even look like myself anymore. I feel dead in the inside, I'm not the same.

I walk to my house when my mom calls me, asking what kind of food does Pookie need. After I end the call, I notice I have a miss call from Zayn, and a voicemail from his as well. My heart beats with anxiety. He called me, and I miss it.

I press play, the thick British accent I love starts to speak, with sadness. His voice cracks through the message. He must have cried afterwards;

"Umm, hi. I understand why you didn't answer my call. I told you I needed time, I don't blame you. Truth is, I didn't need time. I know what I want and that's you, Alex. Listen we both messed up, and I take the blame for my actions. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I pushed you away when I should have let you in. You break all my walls, it's you. It has always been you since I saw you crying that night. Please call me back as soon as you listen to this message. Bye love."

He called me love? He said he wants me. I break his walls, I have always been the one. He didn't need time. He wants me.

I cover my cries with my hand, my hearts dwells in relief. I want Zayn too, I can't imagine my life without him anymore, he made such an impact for me to just forgot about him. I didn't choose this, my heart did. It knew he was the one since I saw him in the hall. If Zayn can still want to be with me through my flaws, pain, then I could still stay with him. It's unconditional desire between us.

I tap numbers on my phone, then three rings later the sweet raspy voice speaks, "Alex?"

"Zayn." I breath.
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CLIFFHANGER!!!!