Afraid

47.

songs: love in the dark - adele

hello - adele

zayn's pov

i woke up to a knocking on my door. i groaned looking for my shirt, i tossed the blankets, nowhere. fuck

i stood up stretching, my back cracking as i jogged downstairs. the knocking wouldnt stop, "Im coming!"

i opened the door, and there stood the most delicate angel ever. her short hair made her look so much innocent, but i knew better. i was the one that tainted her innocence. i was the one to have her a moaning mess, i witnessed the pleasure i gave her. it was gift from God.. her, her body, but her heart the most.

her exquisite brown eyes. i leaned against the door frame, as she stared at my chest. i was exposed to her, but i didnt care. i was having fun at how much i still affected her.

her eyes wandering lower to where i ached for her. she shook her head, "Can we talk?" her eyes stared at the doormat.

i smirked, steping aside to let her pass through. she was wearing a pink tanktop, and some faded- ripped black shorts. her marvelous legs were perfectly tanned.

her hair smelled like freshly cut strawberries. she didnt have makeup on, which didn't surpirse me. she never needed it, i loved to see her with no makeup on, she was so tiny, and fragile to me.

she walked to the couch, sitting down as i offered her something to drink as i walked to the kitchen.

"No thank you." her voice was calm, i flickered my eyes towards her as i poured myself some water.

i walked back to the living room as she sat with her legs locked at the ankles. i tried my hardest to not stare at her legs.

god she was so beautiful, it wasnt fair to me.

she shyly smiled, "i wanted to talk to you about what i said at Harry's."

i sat back, putting a pillow against my chest, "That was three days ago."

she nod, "I needed time to find the right words to say."

"say what?" i asked watching her body language. she couldn't find a comfortable position to sit in. her eyes never met mine, she took three deep breaths.

"Alex... this could change everything." i warned her. i wanted her thoughts to be clear. "I only ask that you'll be honest with me." I cleared my throat. Preparing myself for what she has to say.

she lift her head towards the ceiling, "Zayn, im leaving next week. i'm moving to New York. i just wanted to say goodbye." She slowly faces me. her eyes are teary.

i take a deep breath. i want to keep her here with me. i wasn't excepting for her to say that. what if i really did screw up? i hate myself for being such a dick to her at Harry's. i stand up, "Look Alex, no hard feelings." I won't ever let my walls down for another girl.

i wanted her to say something else like; i love you, im not leaving, come with me.

a tear rolled down her cheek, this is killing us. and here i am acting like a asshole to her. no hard feelings? what the fuck?! I loved this girl for several months, and now i am not even going to fight?

she stood up, her cheeks flushed. i humiliated her, she wasn't excepting me to say that. "Yeah, no hard feelings." she mumbled whispering my exact words. i heard the pain, but for some reason hearing those words hurt me, more than they did when i said them.

she walked towards my door with a broken heart. i couldn't watch her leave, i looked down. my door open, and then she disappeared.

i heard no more sniffling, i couldnt feel the undeniable love attraction between us anymore. I let her go. I disappointed her with my final words. I disappointed myself thinking, i could ever have a forever with Alex Mendez.

--

Alex's pov

Excruciating.

it was excrusciating when i closed the door behind me. i was hoping he would chase after me, tell me otherwise that i was making a mistake. he didn't fight for me. maybe i wasn't worth it like he always reminded me that i was. i was inflamed by the discomfort of him. i couldnt decided if he was always like; a cold hearted boy, or if i made him that way.

i walked home alone, as i processed everything that just happened.

no hard feelings.

i loved him, hell i do love him.

no hard feelings

i wanted him to wrap his arms around me, make me feel safe, loved, wanted. but he didn't.

he made me question our whole relationship, was it nothing to him? was it all just for the sex like everyone warned me about?

i miss him.

when i arrived home, i was forced to believe that i was alone. i would always be alone. and that ruined me.

the tears just came rushing down like a waterfall. i fell to my knees blaming myself for everything. i felt so stupid, used, mostly betrayed. i felt emtpy, it was because he filled me up completely, and he just drained everything out of me.

he ripped my heart out, and just threw it. i was the only fool, i let him handled it with his reckless hands.

seven months, and we ended it with no hard feelings.

~

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