Afraid

46.

Sorry for typos (if any)

One month Later

Zayn's POV

The air was becoming humid, god I hated spring. College applications began to stack on my desk, as the boys finally decided we were all going different directions; harry and louis decided to stay in Bradford, Liam got accepted to Princeton, and Niall decided that college wasn't for him. My father was on his honeymoon with Sarah, for heaven sakes it was spring break and I was staying home, filling out applications for dorms in New York, searching jobs, while everyone is out partying. As for Alex; she is doing her own thing, I heard from Harry that she is graduating in two weeks from the magnet program. I was happy for her, I just figured our breakup wouldn't last this long. Usually we would make up the next day, but I think Alex finally understood I was bad for her, and she accepted it. I was alone, once again. I knew my life was just beginning but without Alex, I felt that it was ending.

She learned to look the other way in the hallways at school. How to ignore me when I visited Harry. I was nonexistent to her. I hated the feeling of being loved one day by her, and the next day to be completely forgotten. It hurt letting her go, but it killed me knowing she could forget me. I was like a ghost to her, just a bad memory. I seen her talk to guys at school; it was devastating to ever think how you can move on from someone that gave you everything? I wanted to know if she would compare me to other guys. Did she wish I was them? Does she even miss me?

That night we broke up, I went to Zoe's, for all the wrong reasons; we drank, fucked, smoked, fucked. We fucked probably the whole night till I accidently called her Alex. Zoe yelled at me to leave after she admitted to have fallen in love with me and I responded with that Alex was the one. she cried, shoving me out her door.

God, I hated that word: Feelings. but now here I am back to square one, fucking with the enemy in my own bed.

I took a deep breath rolling on my back, "Again?" I asked out of breath.

Her blonde hair covered her face, as she laid beside me breathlessly, "Give me a moment."

I nod, wiping the sweat off my forehead, "This time you're on time, I hate doing all the work Jackie."

Jackie laughed, "Damn it malik! Wait a second."

I laid there staring at the ceiling, memories of Alex popped in my head as I remembered I made love to her in my bed. That night, I allowed Alex to witness how vulnerable I was to her. The softness of her walls against my cock, made me hard.

Fuck it.

I turned to look at Jackie, her bra covering her breasts. I watched her chest rise, and fall. "I'm in a rush" I mumbled as I climbed over Jackie, burying myself into her. Long nails scratched my back tracing other girls marks as I remembered I fucked a lot of girls after Alex. But she wasn't soft like Alex, and that drove me fucking insane. My thrust were dominating, reckless, as I remembered I fell in love with a sad girl who I couldn't have.

--

"Jesus, Zayn I think you broke my vagina bone." Jackie said as I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

I smirked to myself giving her a kiss on her hand, she was sitting on the counter.

She rolled her eyes trying her hardest to not blush, "You know Stan is having a party, and you should come."

I set my water down beside her thigh, "Nothing has changed between us, we are still fuck buddies." I found it quite interesting that I after everything with Alex, I found my way back to Jackie, I even enjoyed that Jackie thought I would want more from her. I needed her to know, that just because we have sex, doesn't mean we were a couple.