Afraid

44. (Part 1)

Sorry for taking forever, this chapter was hard to write. It's literally 5am

Smut included

Alex's pov

Its been a week since our fight, and although Zayn apologized, I told him its whatever, I didn't know how to feel about it. I felt weird about the whole thing, like a light switch to him,because when things went wrong, he would immediately flip the switched and shut me out. I think he became so accustomed to that habit, that he used alcohol as a figure of a person that he could confide in, because it took the pain away. And that made me feel less than a person because I was his girlfriend, and I wanted him to put his trust in me, to talk to me the way I talk to him, and put my trust in him. But it wasn't like that, not at all. I was in the dark like usual.

I was taken against my will, dragged out of my bed and forced to shop with my mom and sammy, "This dress is nice, look honey." My mother said running her hands through the rack of summer clothes. I didn't quite understand, it was barely spring. I stood there on my phone texting Gemma how awful this 'I am not okay but pretending to be' shopping date was.

I looked up at the dress, it wasn't exactly something i'd wear. It was orange, with white strips. It was the most ugliest dress that I have seen, and Sammy wasn't helping, "I love it, Alex you need to get it."

My mom smiled at Sammy. I wasn't in the mood to shop, let alone be near them, "No im fine." I looked back down at my phone waiting for Gemma to reply.

Sammy spoke up, "Alex lighten up."

I rolled my eyes, "I am bored, hot, irritated, annoyed and my stomach is killing me. I don't feel like trying on clothes, I just want to go home, and sleep. I get that you guys are trying to help me, but im okay. Im not sad, or heartbroken. Zayn and I worked things out." I huffed, I was getting mad for no reason.

Sammy looked away, and my mom opened her mouth to say something but I stopped her, "im sorry, I am going to look at the shirts." I spoke quietly putting my earphones on, I walked away not bothering to wait for them to answer.

As I thud my head to the beat of the song, I seen my favorite blonde, Irish boy smile at me. I took my earphones out as he danced his way to me, making funny faces.

I laughed, "What are you doing here?" I ask as he gave me his slurpee to taste, the coldness froze my throat. I could feel a brainfreeze coming.

"I came with your loverboy. He needed condoms."

I am pretty sure my cheeks flushed uncontrollably, "At least he is getting some." I joked handing him back the slurpee.

I continued to look through the rack of shirts all pastel clothes, nothing really grabbing my attention, "I am kidding, no he needed something to wear for his father's dinner."

I looked at Niall, "when is it?" zayn hasn't meantioned anything to me about it, to go as his date, or just talk about the plans.

"Its tomorrow night, the guys and I are going. Hasn't he told you?" niall raised his eyebrow at me, lowering his voice. He gave me a weird look, and I felt a presence behind me, his.

I turned to see Zayn, it has been a couple of days since I seen him. His stubble grew back, he looked alive for once, "Hey you."

I heard niall walk away, "Hi." He kissed my forehead, I loved when he kissed my forehead. I always felt safe, loved.

I inhaled his cologne sharply, because I felt it has been years since I last saw him. It was intoxicating as ever. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me but he didn't. I was a but disappointed, but I guess it was kind of for the best after all he was the one to distant himself from me.