Watch Me Fall

K.G (the story)

My life changed the second I met you. That day in JAG, it was surprising seeing you in that class, because the only time I had seen you was in art class. I still remember thinking you were cute, but I never actually spoke to you back then. So naturally, I spoke to you instantly the first day of my Junior year, because we had a mutual friend and I had a reason to. It was just so easy to talk to you, and I was all smiles after that class. It's crazy, because back then I hated meeting new people, and even avoided it. Yet, somehow, you got me right out of my shell. I knew from the get-go that you were genuine, with how you talked, walked, and even the way you smiled at me. You somehow made me feel even better than the guy I was with. I remember how many times I would sit there and wonder what it would be like to be with you. I would tend to throw these thoughts away, and even denied my feelings, because I was in an online relationship, and was always faithful when it came to that. Yet, I couldn't help but realize how you actually treated me right. You treated me the way I deserved to be, even if I hadn't realized it right away. 

After some time, I got to know you. I loved who you were, and how you were. I'd mess with you, just for an excuse to get you to look at me, or talk to me. When we were teasing each other, I felt there was a real connection. When you looked me in the eyes, I had to look away, because it gave me butterflies in my stomach. 

Even though I was with Andrew, I found myself missing you more than him. I started calling you on the bus instead of him, just to hear your voice again. At lunch, I would stop by your lunch table, even just for a bit, just to be by you. 

When you told me that you would take me to prom, after I said, "no one would take me to prom", even though I felt like it was out of pity, or something similar, I loved that you said that. 

After me breaking up with Andrew so my dad would stop threatening me and realize I was moving on, and trying to be better, my life was hell. He didn't believe that I got rid of him, and none of my friends seemed to even care that I got rid of him to prove I wasn't going to be toxic anymore, and that I was going to be better to them. I actually even tried to get back with him, only to find out he replaced me completely. That honestly hurt a lot, but made me see what I was truly worth to him.

I sought acceptance from anybody, even 'going out' with Julian again, until, of course, he broke up with me the exact day I was going to dump him. 

Then I tried it with Joseph, because he seemed to accept me, and he seemed interested. Then I broke that off to stop focusing on having a relationship and to work on me. It was annoying when he started playing some mind games with me, or so it for sure felt like it.

At that point in my life, I wanted to be accepted, from just about anyone. I had guys on the internet telling me all sorts of shit, but it wasn't what I wanted. It was confusing, annoying, and made me feel like I had to make a choice. 

When you brought up seeing a movie together, I was so excited. All of those feelings, all of the thoughts, they came back. Suddenly all my attention was drawn to you, and I just wanted you to notice. When I thought I had misread the situation, it hurt like hell. I told myself I was nobody, and me and you kinda stopped talking awhile. It wasn't until you stayed in class with me (when you could have left early) that I realized that it wasn't that you didn't want to spend time with me, but it was something else. I didn't know what, but.. I was so happy to be by you. 

It was when we started talking again that Covid decided to ruin everything. I was trapped in my cell, with only sneaking onto xbox or dad's laptop as a way of communication to the outside world. When you and I were talking on there, and then here, on wattpad, my life was actually worth something.

Then the imfamous story. I wanted to die. I honestly was thinking how I could kill myself, then you popped up in my head. I sat there, and told myself, "I just want to see him one more time". 

When I ran away, you were the first person I contacted. We talked all night, and you made the fear go away. You comforted me, and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. 

Seeing you again was the happiest day of my life, (or so, one of many with you). You hugged me right away, and all those feelings for you, they only grew. That first "date" as we call it, it was magical, in a sense. You were my first kiss. You were my first date. Technically my first real relationship. I remember laying there, watching Silence Of The Lambs as you had your arm around me. Breathing in your cologne that to this day is alone a drug I love. Feeling you there besides me.. I was hooked from the start. 

Suddenly we saw each other all the time, suddenly we were an unstoppable team. Every moment of that was heaven to me. Taking walks, or even cuddling until I had to go.. it all made me happy. That first walk on the bridge, to even our walks to speedway..it all was worth it.

When I moved in with you, that's a period of time I would never regret. Getting to sleep with you every night, getting to wake up with you, it was perfect. I loved living with you, because even though part of me was going batshit crazy, I had you to keep me on my feet. 

Now look at us. We're about to get married..we are going to be Mr. and Mrs. Green. I love that. No matter the problems, no matter what happens, no matter what people say, I am going to marry you. No doubts in my mind. All is uphill from here. I wanted to thank you, and tell you: I love you, so fucking much. Thank you for being my reason to get up in the morning. I absolutely adore you, and can't wait to be your wife. We may be young, but nobody will understand the lives we've lived, in general, and together. I love you, and thanks for reading my long ass writing. :)