Watch Me Fall

I'm about to explode

"He loves you" they say

"He cares about you"

these words sting and hurt more than anything. He refused to even listen to me. All the words and feelings I expressed went over his head, and yet he torments me by telling our friends that he loves me and worries about me. I get it, he cares. But I told him I need to work on me. I told him i'm not going back to him. He's being a child about this. I'm tired of him and what "he wants". I told him I don't want to be with him. He's wasn't the one for me, an I know that now. He wouldn't understand pain.

 Yeah, i'm selfish for this. But if I can't talk to you and have you understand at least half of what I'm saying, then maybe there's no point in talking to begin with. I don't owe him anything at all. And as far as relationships, I really should just avoid them. My feelings are just a jumbled mess and I keep thinking I like people.  Then something happens. 

And here I am, multiple guys telling me they love me and want me, but I don't know anymore. I just feel like a broken mess that just wants to not feel like this anymore. Every time they tell me these things about him I want to scream. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to feel like i'm the bad guy because a guy didn't understand me.

I don't care if he cares about me, I don't want him around. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with him, but me and him are completely different people. And I don't know why this is my fault. I should have shown interest. I was just a sad girl that met a happy boy that also didn't wanna be alone. 

I don't know who I love, but I hope they're really patient people, because it'll be awhile before I consider letting my guard down. My heart is too fragile right now.