Watch Me Fall

The morning aftermath of my nightmare

I shot up to the alarm, in a severe overdose of anxiety. I was shaking, I had goosebumps, in my own damn room I felt... exposed, I wanted to be wearing more than what I woke up in, which was just a zip up hoodie and my underwear (sorry it it's TMI, I'm not bringing it up weirdly, this is me explaining why I felt "exposed") 

my head was spinning, and it was so dark in my room. I wanted to start bawling on the spot. I started feeling hopeless again, alone. I felt like a burden. 

I grabbed a one of my many pairs of leggings, and stumbled out of my room nearly running into the doorframe. 

I grabbed the laptop, praying someone would be on to talk to, though part of me said why even bother them? I felt like maybe I was just hopeless, and a burden, that I'd never escape this place, that no one can ever save me. I plugged it into the wall, and hurried up to log on to everything. Even though I wanted so badly to just message literally everyone I knew about it, I felt so distant from everyone suddenly. I was aware at how far they were from me, and it made me wanna bawl all over again. Typing frantically, I published the dream in my last chapter, (obviously), because I realized I was gonna need it typed out already in case I needed to say it multiple times, in which I know I will..

I just feel so scared, which is strange. Nothing really scares me that much but now I'm in a full on panic attack. I really wish I could be held, not gonna lie. Held and told everything was going to be okay, and that I'm not as pathetic as I feel. It is one of those mornings I wish I could just run away, and never look back at this place. I want hugs, I want cuddles, I pretty much just want physical attention, I don't know. Maybe I'm weird for being so open about it, but whatever, but I really just need someone to hug me and be there. 

I hate it here, but 15 more days.