Watch Me Fall

Wake me up when September ends

At first this month was just the month before I could get out, which that alone already made it stressful. I can barely sleep, it's hard to eat, I feel sick often, I cry a LOT, etc. 

But as I sat on the bathroom floor, wondering if I was going to puke out what little portion of dinner I managed to eat, it dawned on me. I finally realized what month it was.

I knew it was September, but I didn't realize at first it was the September. The month I hate most of all. 

This year, 2020, my month summed up is this:

September 12th- It will be three years since my mother passed away

September 10th- It will be two years since I went to a mental hospital 

I started listening to songs that remind me of mom, and all I can think is,

"I never had a mother"

It's just strange to me, it really is.