Watch Me Fall

Kyle and other things green

I often sit in front of the TV in my little fantasy world. Where the air is breathable, and there's nothing to worry about apart from when my fantasy will be a reality. In my world, I watch movies with Kyle on rainy days. In my world, I get to poke him and jokingly say 'fight me", just for him to give me those adorable faces he used to make. Here I can tell him everything while we sit together and laugh at my past self. The girl I used to be. The girl who was afraid to even look into his eyes. But now, we can laugh at that and recognize how much we have both grown. We can be ourselves and that's all that matters. With Kyle in my fantasy world, it's just us. For a moment I get to be with the guy I fell for so many months ago. And here, I can steal all the hugs and cuds I need to get me through my life. 

But when i wake up it's fear and anxiety. I'm alone in a cold prison cell with nothing but my art. I have a stack of art that i'm afraid to lose. I cringe at even the slightest hint of a fight and go into full on panic mode constantly. I feel attacked and misunderstood. I feel desperate. I want out, and I have a month left of feeling this way.

 I can't concentrate and feel like I can't breathe. I despise my own home and just want to run. Run to his arms and just spend my time laughing with him and being dorks again. I want to hear his voice, see his face, feel the comfort of him being near me. I want my dreams to be real. 

Hopefully soon I can finally show him my new side. One that is not afraid to tell him the truth. One that won't ever hurt him or abandon him. 

I might not be the belle of the ball, but I am real and really do adore him...