Watch Me Fall

What kills me

They always said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But in my case, he said it to me. But he was what didn't kil me. And he didn't exactly make me stronger. And now he's talking to me again, and I don't understand the torment he is trying to put me through. After all he did to me..after every single time he left and abandon me...after every hurtful comment he said...after every threat...he wants my help? What is wrong with me? He hurts me over and over, yet I stick by him. I'm not his friend, yet he always leans on me, because in the end, no one loves him. He does not allow them too. And no one listens to him, so what am I supposed to do? Shoot him down and break him? I was the only one who got into his mind. I know him more than even he does. I know his mind, I know the way he thinks. Why do I wanna help him, yet why do I want to push him away? I feel like he needs to learn on his own, but what if it was me? For only god can truly forgive him at this point. I dunno if  I ever could, because in the end, he can't forgive himself. He's stuck in the past, yet he can't even attempt to better himself, because he's selfish and stuck up. Why do I hate him and why do I still care? Why can't he just rot and disappear? I never wanna see him again, and I want him to leave my life for good. Every time I get away, he drags me back down.  Why can't he finally let me go?