Watch Me Fall

Just another fantasy

I close my eyes to a different world.

The air is crisp, and the fragrance of previous rain fills it with a sense of emotional satisfaction. It's cold, but my hoodie keeps me warm. I got this hoodie years ago at a Skillet concert back in 2016. It's perfect. Even with the rips and tears at the sleeves, it's just the right amount of fabric to keep me warm. 

Walking along the sidewalk, I listen to the birds. Fantastic creatures, aren't they? Majestic, I must say. Their chirps, their songs..beautiful. Remind me that there is a god who created them. I can't help but thank this god of mine for so many amazing creations. 

The sky is dark, yet so perfect. Hues of orange and pink fill the atmosphere, and get the creativity flowing. If only I had a sketch book and a pencil with me. 

It's almost dead silent, except for the high way and the occasional car going by as I make my way down the street. 

I practically memorized my way here, so it's crazy to think it's finally happening. I'm going to go see him. I can't wait. I feel my face go red, and my heart beats faster. Just a little bit more, and I can turn onto his street. My grip tightens onto the sides of my hoodie pockets, and I feel my palms go clammy. Breathe. Breathe in for 4. 1...2....3...4. Breathe out for 8. 1...2...3...4...5...6..7..8. I'm almost there, I can almost see him in my mind. I know he'll probably be surprised to see me, but hopefully in a good way. God knows I have missed him so much. The dreams didn't help it, either. 

I make my way to the door, and all thoughts of trying to control my breathing fade away. I'm too excited to care. Too nervous. This is it. The moment I have been wishing for. I knock softly, afraid for some reason. No answer. Is he not home? Did I show up too late? I knock a little harder, all my anxiety creeping up on me. I go to turn around, telling myself I shouldn't bother him.

That's when he answers, confused, but I think (and hope) happy to see me. Without thinking, I hug him tight. Unlike the homecoming game, he hugs back this time, and everything's okay again. I can continue, and I can breathe again. 

"Good morning" I say, making sure to look him in the eyes and smile. 

"Good morning, stink" he replies, smirking. 

Then I open my eyes and i'm still not asleep yet. I'm hugging my body pillow again and barely thinking straight. In the dark, I look up to the ceiling, still full of my glow in the dark star stickers. Watching the stars, I continue to miss him. Maybe it's dumb, but he means a lot to me. I don't know why my feelings only grow stronger, but they do. Every day I miss him more. Of course, when the time comes, I won't abandon my friends for him, this isn't going to be sophomore year again. He'll be a huge part of my life, I hope, but I won't abandon my friends for him. I hope they know this. I don't want them thinking they'll lose me. Ever. 

I squeeze my pillow tighter, sighing. 6 hours until I can log on and talk to everyone..

Six hours until i'm not alone anymore.