What Should Have Been From The Beginning

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'Just like that?' Mei stood up and asked me.

'What do you mean 'just like that'? I turned around, confused as to why her mood had changed all of a sudden.

'Just answer me this. What does she have that I don't? What makes you love her and not me? Better still why did you even propose to me if you knew you were in love with her?'

'I'm not sure you want me to tell you any of the answers to those. Would you rather not be left knowing that I did love you but it just couldn't work out?'

'No. No, Derek. I can't be left without answers. I want to know what makes you so desperate for her, that you ran out our wedding in front of all the people you know.'

I had thought earlier when things were going much smoother, that this was too good to be true. She had every right to be angry and if she wanted to scream and yell and get the truth, then that's what she'll do and get. By this point, I had stopped packing up my things and was now sat on the footer at the bottom of the bed. Jennifer was stood at the opposite side of the room with her arms crossed and a furious look on her face.

'You sure you want to have this conversation?' I asked, trying to give her an easy way out of heartbreak. She didn't reply but instead gave me an answer through her eyes and posture.

'She makes me feel things that I never had with you. She gave me more affection at the times when we weren't together, than you had ever given me. Yes, you wanted to get married, build a house and have children. You wanted all the things I wanted but you weren't in love with another person. I was. It would have been worse marrying you and doing all those things with you and I knowing I was in love with Meredith. She makes me unbelievably happy. I long for her when I'm not with her. I get excited when I hear her down the corridor in the hospital. When she's on my service, I can't stop staring at her and admiring her. I'm telling you every detail because you want to know.'

There was silence for a short moment and there was no emotion visible from Jennifer. She glared at me before asking,

'Then why didn't you just leave me when I told you that I knew that you had slept together?'

'My father cheated on my mother. And she took him back. He wasn't the man I wanted to be like in that way. My mother didn't find out until after they were married and I was already born by then. She didn't have the choice to back out. They got through it and worked out their differences until he was killed. I was going to tell you but you already knew. I was going to give you an out but you decided to stay and from my past experience and knowledge I wanted to work things out. Meredith didn't know what she wanted. I didn't know what I wanted. And then she moved to Florida and that was going to be the end of it. That's why I stayed with you.'

'Well then, all I can say to that is, I'm glad the two cheaters are together and get to have their happy ending. At least if youse two are together, two other people aren't going to have to be in a relationship with a cheater.'

I was fine with her disrespecting me and being rude about me but I was not going to let her talk about Meredith. She didn't get to speak about Meredith how she was. I knew deep down what I wanted to say and that would have been bad, if I had said it, but she didn't matter to me anymore. Her words didn't mean a thing to me anymore. She would be out of my life very soon therefore I decided not to retaliate as much as I could have.

'Take your anger out me, but you don't have the right to speak about Meredith Grey, the way you are, behind her back. I'm with her for good and nothing you say or do will change that. She's the love of my life and I am happy. I'll be out of your house as soon as possible trust me. I have stuff to do and places to be.'

I was ready to leave now. Very ready. I wasn't hurting but all I wanted to do was hug Meredith and never let go. I had planned the perfect night and I had to get her something that I was praying she would say yes to. As I was leaving the house, once I had accumulated my belongings, I heard Jennifer behind me, mutter under her breathe 'I'm sorry.'

I thought to myself 'fair enough, it was in the heat of the moment but she said it and meant it so I didn't want her apology' and therefore decided to not acknowledge her. I left the house, got in my truck and went to the store before going home and being greeted by a curious, affectionate, stunning Meredith, sprinting into the hallway. She stood in her ratty Dartmouth T-shirt like I had asked and she wore these small black shorts on her bottom half. I looked her up and down and basked in the glory of the woman that stood in front of me. 

'What are we in for tonight then?' she impatiently asked. I grabbed her hand, locking her fingers between mine, picked up the bag that had everything I had gotten from the store in it and guided us both to the living room, sitting her down on the sofa and watching her face light up with excitement and curiosity at what was happening. 

'I have ice-cream, strawberry ice-cream to be exact because you're picky and that the only one you like apart from mint choc chip, which they didn't have. I've got chips, chocolate, strawberries for the chocolate, I also got us a DVD and I don't even know if you like it but Pretty Woman. It reminded me of you.'

She beamed and giggled before correcting me by saying.

'She you're saying a movie about a prostitute reminds you of me.'

I realised what I had said and tried to put it right by quickly replying.

'Oh god no. Not a prostitute but the pretty woman part.'

She just laughed as she stood up and came over to me. 

'Good save, Shepherd.' 

She kissed me softly almost like it was a habit and it would be happening for the rest of our lives. I loved it and knew this would be what I received every morning as we headed off to work.

'Before we celebrate, I need to ask you something.'