What Should Have Been From The Beginning

Losing Control

MEREDITH'S POV

From that moment on, I felt the sick just like I had the entire day except this time, it wasn't a feeling of fearing the unknown, whether I was going to pass or fail, but more fearing the truth and the overwhelming motions flying about my stomach and entire anatomy. Before the phone call with Derek, I had stood up to walk around the room and stretch my legs slightly, since for the majority of the day, I had been sat. Then, after the phone call, I found myself, sat down once more. This time directly where I had been stood and I had my knees bent, my head in my hands dropped below my separated legs and I was trying my damnedest to breathe normally instead of erratically. I placed the pieces together, in my mind, again and again, trying to find the slightest possibility of this not being what I didn't need or want right now. If it were to be the fate, I had so many questions and then after I had answers to those questions, the consequences and conclusions came. I couldn't be pregnant. Yes, I wanted to be pregnant with Derek's child, eventually, but not right now. There was too much already happening. A wedding, the wedding that nobody except me, Derek and Cristina knew about. Imagine, if I turned back up to work and threw the news right in everyone's face. 'Oh, hey, I'm getting married, to the man who was nearly married to another woman a few months ago, and guess what I'm also carrying his child in my womb.' I needed to pass this test to carry on my job and another rapid thought going through my mind over and over again, was that there was absolutely no room in my life or my house for a baby right now. I found myself starting to hyperventilate on the floor suddenly and needed to calm myself down as soon as possible. After a few minutes of erasing what thoughts I could from my head, my breathing became somewhat normal and I decided to take a shower before Derek arrived, and clean off my mind and body from the literal sweat. 

I finished having a shower, and climbed out to wrap a towel around my body. As I walked out of the bathroom door into the main stay area, I quickly switched my view from the bed to the door as I could hear someone outside and then precisely watched the door handle start to nudge up and down, as if someone was struggling to come inside. Derek had said on the phone that he was about an hour from the hotel and from what I could recall, the time from when I last spoke to him and now , had only been about 30 minutes. In between, I had a panic attack, some might say, and then taken a long shower but I was sure that it hadn't been that long. I figured my emotions had probably clouded my judgement of time and I wasn't thinking straight still. It probably had been about an hour and I called Derek's name as I walked towards the door to help him in.

DEREK'S POV

After hearing Meredith's described symptoms over the phone, I immediately had an inkling that she could certainly be pregnant. Italy had been filled with plenty of sex and although we thought we had used a condom every time, things escalated quickly and neither us could remember if we had or not. I was excited. Nervous, but ecstatic that there was the possibility of an arriving baby MerDer. I however, did not sense the same feeling from Meredith as she hung up the phone and I heard her breathing become quicker and her tone drop, as she ended it. I just wanted to be with her right now and hug her and reassure her that things were going to be okay. We would get married before the baby arrived and then we could find other solutions to other problems like the living situation. That was the least of my worries at the moment though. My biggest being the fact that I knew Meredith would be panicking and sweating right now especially if we had figured this news out and we weren't together and she didn't have anyone there to calm her down. I carried on driving for the next 40 minutes and turned on the radio, hoping it would make time go quicker and I would arrive sooner than expected. 

After about 5 minutes of listening to a classic radio song, an announcement came through the signals, that instantly made my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach and uncontrollable sweats engulf my skin from head to toe. I felt my palms slip off the steering wheel slowly but I tightened my grip to regain control on the road. The last thing we needed right now was for me to be in an accident. The atmosphere became eerie and the motorway was desolate considering before it had been packed. The news I had just received contributed to the disturbing feeling the outside light brought in and the terror ran through my body consistently. The information played over in my mind. 

A resident in a hotel just outside of Seattle has been robbed and held at gunpoint. Police were called to the scene by a person in the neighbouring room however there has been no sighting of either the victim or the suspect and there is also no idea of a motive right now. Police services have released the victim to be a woman of an age of late 20's early 30's but no further information is to be given.

Thoughts of ailment and trepidation flooded my system and I sensed the car moving significantly quicker as my foot pressed the acceleration forcefully. The woman could have been anyone and there had been no insight as too which hotel it was. There were multiple accommodations surrounding the one Meredith as staying in and a woman of the described age could have been vacating any of them hotels. Even though I wanted to tell myself Meredith wasn't involved and she was safe and sound in her hotel room with no clue of this fear, that was not an option and now more than ever I needed to be with my fiancé.