What Should Have Been From The Beginning

You Can Have All You Want

A week of random, unusual events in the form of staying at home and sitting on our backsides, was finally up and the relaxing could be reframed. Meredith was ecstatic about returning back to work and normality, whilst continuing our next chapters. Throughout the whole time of taking things slow and trying with every ounce of strength I had to not make intense love to Meredith, there was not a word of the attack or the miscarriage or the court hearing. I still felt overwhelmed by everything as much as I didn't show it. My love may be trying to get over everything as soon as possible and move on but something in me, couldn't let go. I couldn't drop the truth of what had happened with our child, or the attack. I couldn't shift any of it and it was constantly in the back of my mind, haunting my every thought. Whenever I thought about marrying Meredith, I just pictured something tragic happening to one of us moments before. That was the reality of our life now unfortunately, but everything in me told me to change that look on our life and make the most of what we have. We obviously hadn't gotten too intimate with the whole unable to situation, but there had been plenty of moments where I had nearly not been able to contain myself. In those moments, I was dead sure that she was doing it on purpose to tempt me and make sure I was certain I wanted more.

We had eaten dinner and grabbed some water, then decided we would go to bed early and just lay together. Even after all the time spent together, the endless minutes that I was not complaining at, somehow we could still talk for hours and not get bored of each other's voices. We set our drinks down on each of the bedsides and I had made my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed. Meredith notified me that she was going to get dressed into her pyjamas and me thinking nothing of it, assumed pyjamas meant her scraggy Dartmouth t-shirt and bottoms. I was very wrong. I made the clever and sensible decision to benefit others of us and not watch her get undressed because I knew fine well, I would not be able to handle her naked body in front of me. I spat the remaining toothpaste from my mouth into the sink and rinsed it out only to be gobsmacked by the revelation or my fiancé, propped up against the pillows, on top of the covers, gowned with a peach coloured silk nightshirt that barely reached her mid-thigh. I thought to myself, 'what the hell is this woman doing to me?'.

'Erm-..., no Dartmouth t-shirt?' Stood still in the doorway, not knowing what to do with myself and in utter awe.

'Is this not okay?'

Immediately I replied, 'No-no, it's more than okay. God,' I couldn't get my words out because I really didn't expect to be approached by this so the stuttering continued as I crawled next to her into bed. I rolled onto my side, kept my head up with my hand and let my other gently wrap over her chest and I spotted her hair behind her ear. She smiled into my eyes and pursed her lips subtly, indicating she wanted me to meet them. I slowly leant up and rolled on top of her, making sure to take all my weight on my arms so I didn't crush her, and I moved closer to her. Her arms caressed my upper back and I felt her fingers traced down my spine.  My nose nudged hers and our lips hovered over each other for a few seconds before I watched her eyes close and I tasted her soft lips which made me go wild. After more intense motions, I pulled away only a tiny bit so that my lips could actually move, before things got any more eventful.

'It's only been a week.'

'Derek?'

'Yes dear.'

'Don't ask right now, just do it. I feel fine.'

We woke up, intertwined between each other's limbs and covered by warm sheets. Her cute smile was the first thing I saw every morning this week and I wanted nothing more in those moments.

'Do you want to go get some breakfast somewhere before we go to work?'

She didn't answer my question but instead mentioned something way more out of the blue and surprising to me.

'I'm gonna tell the guys we're getting married today. Izzie and George and Alex. I wanna tell them because I want everyone to know that I'm yours.' As a joke, I put my hand in her forehead to check her temperature and make sure she wasn't going sick and her giggle filled my heart as I did. She tutted as she pushed my hand off her head then replace it with her hand. Now our palms were connected and our eyes locked in each other's.

'And if you want it, I want more.'