What Should Have Been From The Beginning

Growing Holistically

A/N - I don't normally do author's notes but I just wanted to let you all know that chapter's haven't been very regular since I have had a tonne of college essay's to finish, but I'm all ready to keep updating. There's so many more exciting chapters of Meredith and Derek's life together. Please continue to read as many more suspenseful chapters are to come. Thankyou for following this journey, and I hope you continue to enjoy. Also please feel free to leave any storyline ideas or specifics you want to see involved xoxo

MEREDITH'S POV

The paramedic arrived back inside the ambulance after giving Derek and I a few minutes alone, which I was thankful of and although his delicate, meaningful words hadn't yet convinced me this was what I wanted, to be a mama right now, there was a forwarded serenity brought to me from his excitement and calmness about this. I watched his glistening eyes light up whenever he mentioned the baby, whenever he mentioned our future. He was so elated for our lives and knew exactly that we could do this together. His smile grew bigger and bigger every time he took a glance at my flat stomach and then each instance that he touched my skin to show me we were going to be okay, he would squeeze a little bit more, teaching me that I was allowed to be excited and hopeful. Nobody said this was going to be easy. Life isn't easy. But I imagined with Derek by my side every step of the way, like he said, we would be able to raise a little mini me or him to fill our hearts with joy. When looking in his eyes, I could see our future. The back garden filled with toys and play apparatus. A single bedroom that connected to ours, where there would be a small, white wooden crib to hold our making and beside there was a matching white wooden rocking chair, where I would cradle the baby in my arms, feeding them and see Derek peak his head through the open crack in the door as he would admire his true loves. I realised there and then that if I was imagining all of these dreams I didn't know I wanted so soon, that we were going to be okay. Things would eventually work out for us. For Meredith and Derek, the people who had already been through hell and back, we would get our happily ever after.

Out of the blue, and a surprise to Derek, I asked the paramedic a hopeful question.

'Would you please be able to do another ultrasound and tell me how far along we are? I want to have a due date.' Derek's head quickly switched from the paramedic, who was still very professional but had a warm, subtle smile across her cheeks, to me and grabbed my hand in both his and held it securely. He stared me in the eyes and gently nodded his head, insinuating a silent question as to whether I was sure.

The cold gel hit my stomach once again and butterflies entered too, just like they had in the first ultrasound. I looked for an answer and gathered my breathe from crying earlier and then the news was delivered.

'So it looks like you're about 7 or 8 weeks, so it's still really early but we would be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Do you want to hea-' I quickly stopped her there because I knew this was as much as I could take in right now.

'No no, not yet. Sorry.' I apologised to Derek immediately, aware of his excitement at this moment. Derek was Derek and straight away told me I didn't need to apologise and that we would hear their heartbeat when I was ready. He was everything anyone could have asked for.

4 Hours Later

We had driven back home as soon as possible since I couldn't stand to be anywhere near the hotel anymore and just wanted my own comfort back. My suitcase and belongings had since been retrieved from the room and thankfully, but the least of my fears, nothing had been stolen. We were all still oblivious as to the reasons of me being targeted or whether it was intentional for me to be victimised or if it was completely random but I was fully aware that the case would have to be brought back to reality soon later since they had actually captured the attacker.

The entire journey was somewhat silent. It wasn't an awkward silence or a tense silence but more quiet from emotion and us both understanding the ordeal that we had just witnessed with that being the attack as well as the baby confirmation. Not once however did my hand leave his. Our fingers were attached in one another's securely and meaningfully. His other hand controlled the steering wheel and my other changed positions from on top of my stomach to under my stomach, cradling the non-visible bump. Just from my pure knowledge of knowing that petite females likely won't show their growing babies for a long while, and knowing I was a petite woman, made it easy to deal with the fact people didn't have to know about this until we were both completely ready to, along with the engagement which had been an approaching revelation but this was another thing that was a constant rethought now.

On the journey home, we discovered that the house probably wasn't going to be quiet or empty so we instead decided to stay in the trailer that night. The handbrake was pulled up, Derek climbed out of his side, walked around to mine and helped me out to and then guided us both to the trailer. He helped me change into some warmer, more suitable clothing to sleep in even though we both knew sleeping wasn't going to happen from either of our behalf's and we both crawled underneath the covers. Like ever, I felt safe beside him and continued to feel supported in every way by my fiancé. Our noses were centimetres from each others and our foreheads were barely separated. Our breathe could be felt on each others skin and I rolled over onto my back to get more comfortable. My face rested on the side of the pillow and our eyes were met by one and others instantly. The silence was comforting and welcoming and throughout the period of time we were laying in each others presence, I was filled with love and hope. Derek had my hand up to his lips and was constantly kissing my palm until he moved his attention to my bump that was non-existent.

'Hi, baby. I know you can't hear me right now but I just want to tell you how much I love you and your mama. We can all do this together okay, so you gotta keep growing big and strong so we can hold you in our arms soon.' As he said this, I felt a tear run across my cheek because I really was in disbelief that I could have someone so loving take care of me and want this life so much. I ran my fingers through the his hair before he crunched back from having his mouth to my belly, his hands swaddling the top and bottom of my stomach and then he kissed my lips caringly.

'I love you Meredith.'