What Should Have Been From The Beginning

A Heartbeat?

MEREDITH'S POV
Lying in Derek's warmth, I was exhausted but every time I tried to shut my eyes, I only had a repeat of the event in my head over and over. Every black coverage was filled with the image of that gun held in front of me and then every shiver that overcame my body, reminded me of the ones I got when his hand gripped my thigh. I couldn't bare to fall asleep and I knew Derek could see that. After about 15 minutes of laying in a serene silence, he lifted his torso up to view my eyes and to see if I was asleep.

'Meredith dear. We need to go get you checked over. Nobody knows what he did to you or what happened and it's far too much to ask you to explain. Come on. I'll get you something to keep you covered.' I didn't want to leave his side but I did know that what he was saying was right, along with the fact of it being too soon to ask me to explain. That fact being true because I actually couldn't remember what had gone on. You would think that if anything had occurred, I would remember, but to be honest the emotions and whirlwinds of thoughts I was experiencing throughout the horror, blocked out anything other than what was going on in my head.

He gently got up, sitting me up along with him and walked around the bed to meet the other side where I was sitting, still in an unimaginable amount of shock. He grabbed a dressing gown from the bathroom, swiftly, and helped me up as he put it on my body and covered me up. I was still naked underneath but since the room wasn't accessible, I couldn't get anything. No clothes. No underwear. I couldn't even get my keys or phone. I spoke for the first time in a while and made sure Derek knew how appreciative of him being here right now, I was.

'Derek,' his bright blue, sorrowful eyes looked directly into mine whilst he stroked my cheek, 'I love you and thankyou for being here.' I told him this unfortunately without any form of emotion being expressed facially but I was filled with enormous amounts of love inside. What had once been cold skin, was now warm and with a dressing gown, Derek's blazer jacket and Derek's muscular arms wrapped around my shoulders, he held my other hand, tightly and firmly, interlocking our fingers, reassuring me it was okay. I had managed to find whatever strength I had in me to get up and independently walk out of the room and to the elevator doors ready to be checked over by a paramedic. I knew that what examinations where ahead, were going to make Derek feel huge amounts of hate and guilt. Towards the attacker and towards himself. I could have said he didn't have to be with me to see if I had been sexually assaulted but for me, I needed him by my side, as selfish as it was, and for him, I knew fine well he would refuse to leave me anyways. He gripped my body comfortingly the whole way outside and into the ambulance. There was news stations, police, emergency services, members of the public, everyone person and service you could ever imagine, all gathered outside the hotel wanting to witness me seeing the light of day again. There were police officers and security protecting me from any indignant people who tried to bother me and eventually we made it into the back of the ambulance.

I sat down on the bed and Derek stood next to me, as the paramedics started to ask me questions that I couldn't answer. Derek willingly answered for me and asked the question we both wanted to know right now.

'We think she might be pregnant so is there anything you can do to see if she is?'

The paramedic replied back with a concerned but informative tone. 'Well depending on how far along you may be, we can certainly do an ultrasound and see if there's anything there.'

'Meredith, I know this is hard to answer and think about, but do you remember being attacked, sexually?' She continued on.

Once again my whole thought process was overrun and I couldn't remember anything except the gun and the grab of my leg. I tried my damndest to dig through the haunting memories but nothing came about. Derek could see me struggling and fighting back the tears. He placed his arm around my back, sat on the bed beside me, and whispered into my ear, lovingly and supportively.

'It's okay. Let's just get this part over and done with for you. Then we can find out if our little baby is in there. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you but I'm here. Forever. I'm always gonna be here Meredith.' At that moment, hearing his words soothe my frustration, I finally yet still not fully confident, realised that I hadn't been raped or attacked like that. I looked up at the paramedic who had a somber expression across her face and gave her the news we were all glad to here.

'They didn't. He didn't. I'm okay.'

'Meredith, that's brilliant information and that will help us out a lot. Would you like an ultrasound?'

Speaking through quivering lips and an uneasy, teary tone, 'Please. Yes,' I swung my legs around on the ambulance bed and then remembered I hadn't anything underneath. I assertively flashed Derek with a look of panic and he quickly realised then spoke for me.

'She doesn't have anything underneath that. She was just getting out of the shower.' He said that last sentence in a much more quiet tone and tried not to put the fear of life into me any more than it already was. I grabbed his hand from above my head and brought it down to my chest, where my heart was racing and my my skin was clammy at the anxiety and hysteria that was still around me. He squeezed my hand even tighter whilst the female paramedic placed a blanket over my bottom half and respectfully asked if it was okay for her to untie the belt from around me.  With my modesty somewhat protected, even though that was the least of my worries right now, I closed my eyes, felt a soft, affectionate kiss on my forehead from Derek, who was also probably concerned and fearing the unknown, and waited to hear a heart beat.