What Should Have Been From The Beginning

Too Hard To Hide The Truth

DEREK'S POV
In my head, I knew what she wanted. I knew what 'I want more' meant but I avoided the conversation that could've happened by changing the subject.

'I'll give you what you want.' I had hoped this would level off the playing field and she could then take my response which ever way she wanted. It wasn't that I didn't want what she wanted, it was that O hadn't yet finished processing everything that had happened and I wasn't quite sure how Meredith had, or at least she pretended she had.

'Where do you wanna go for breakfast?' I asked, moving closer to her body and kissing her forehead gently. The sun was blaring through the windows already and a late spring breeze was blowing the curtains slightly. I could see subtle goosebumps on Meredith's arms since she was wearing a spaghetti strap pyjama top, so I pulled the cover up to her chin to keep her warm whilst I climbed out and headed to the bathroom.

'Anywhere with croissants and coffee.'

'Come on then, get your arse up. I'm already ready. ' I joked to her and captured an image of her cheesy grin when she realised what I had said.

'Ready my arse, you're hair looks like shit.' I death stared her and gasped at her comment. She glared at me almost proud of herself for her cheekiness but then pulled the covers up to her face when I started to come towards her. I moved my tongue around my mouth, acting offended by what she just said and launch on top of her. She erupted into laughter and squeals as I wrestled her in the bed and pinned her arms above her head and to the mattress.

'What did you say?'

She answered me back, once again very proud of her courage. 'I said, you aren't ready because your hair looks like crap.'

Her eyes bled nothing but happiness and comfort into mine and I could see how much joy filled her heart. I really hadn't seen her like this ever. Not when we were in Italy or anytime. I couldn't help but grin back at her because of her expressions and I could feel my eyes tearing up as I hovered over the top of her.

'What? Why are you looking at me like that?' She asked still smiling.

Between each word, I leant down and kissed a different part of her face. 'I'm- so- in- love- with- you-.'

'Even when I say you're hair looks bad?'

'Even when you say my hair looks bad.'

'Well that's a good job then because you're marrying me and I can guarantee there's many more insults to come.'

Meredith and I kissed passionately once more before I pulled her up and told her to get ready.

***
We arrived at the hospital after we had eaten the crispiest croissant and the best coffee. I pulled up into the car park, turned off the engine and removed the keys. We both slipped out of the car doors and met each other, where our hands immediately connected and we began walking to the entrance.

'You sure you feel okay to come back?'

'I'm sure.' Meredith said as she turned to me and pecked me on the lips.

'Good. How are you gonna tell the guys we're engaged?'

'I think I'll probably just include it in a sentence randomly and see if they notice.'

'And if they don't notice?'

'Then I'll tell them straight up. I'll say, Derek and I are engaged but I don't wanna make a fuss about it. God that's the last thing I want.'

'Ok then. That sounds good to me.' I knew from the minute I proposed that there wouldn't be a fuss about us marrying each other. That wasn't a Meredith thing to do. She didn't like the attention and I was certain that we weren't going to have an intimate, romantic wedding that wasn't about the dress or the flowers or anything, it would be about us and the love we shared. As much as I would've loved the big church wedding, nothing would make me happier than marrying the love of my life and if that meant going to a registry office then that was more than good enough for me.

'I have a surgery at 1, are you scrubbing in?'

'Of course. I'm on your service right?'

'I don't know, I haven't checked but you can be if you want to.'

'Then I'll see you soon.' Our hands separated but before they did I squeezed her fingers between mine which had become our thing now. We did it too each other whenever we knew the other person needed it. Meredith travelled to the intern's room and myself to the OR board.

MEREDITH'S POV
Before mine and Derek's surgery, I decided to get an early lunch seen as though we were going to be in surgery a while and I hadn't eaten since 8am. Coincidentally, everyone was also getting lunch early and we all gathered around a table for the first time in a while. I dreaded the questions from everyone, wondering why I'd been off for a week and the time before that and I truly did feel so selfish and guilty not giving them an explanation so I convinced myself that if any answers needed to be given to questions, I would give them there and then. There was only one way to move past everything and that was answers.

'Hey, Mer. You feeling better?' Izzie asked placing her bottom on a chair and her food on the table.

'Yeah, a lot. Thanks.'

'You and these stomach bugs don't cooperate, do you?' I laughed off the tension and noticed Cristina doing the same thing. She was the only one who knew about everything so far. I mouthed to Cristina whilst everyone's heads were down 'Do I tell them?'

At first she just shrugged her shoulders in response but soon after, subtly nodded as she saw the frustration on my face.

'Ok, I'm just gonna tell you. Something's happened and it was bad but I'm okay now and I'm feeling fine. Just remember that.'