What Should Have Been From The Beginning

Be Everything That You Need

After what seemed like an eternity, the verdict brought my so much relief and comfort. Knowing he was locked up with no chance of harming another woman or terrorising anyone to the point it haunts their dreams, made me cry with the instant feeling of a huge weight off of my chest. 15 years for multiple different crimes committed in that event, and on top of that, when leaving, an official informed me that before the trauma that held a burden over me, the same man had invaded a home nearby the hospital hours before and assaulted a woman, both sexually and physically, causing the woman to blackout and that's how he made his move and ended up in my hotel room. There was a bench placed behind where I was stood with Derek after we had walked out, which I immediately fell to, after hearing the news. My hand was still firmly gripped in between Derek's palm and fingers and as soon as my position changed he asked for a minute alone.

'Derek, I'm going to be sick. This has been too much.' I wasn't lying. I really did feel like I was going to vomit. The idea of him having already attacked another woman and done so much worse to her before, left me physically shaking, well aware that my situation could have ended a lot worse than it did.

'You're good. Meredith, look at me.' I didn't. 'Hey, look me in the eyes.' He bent down to my height and, this time, grabbed my hand my other hand in his and held them to his chest where I could feel his heart beating at a normal pace. I did then review his eyes that were piercing straight into the part of my soul that needed to be warmed the most. 'It's over. Forever. He's away. You're fine, The other woman is fine. We're fine.' He voice was so soothing in a time of so much discomfort. My head dropped to the floor as I tried to maintain a normal breathing pattern. Derek's lips met the back of my head and I fell into his chest. My head rested there until both the sickness and the new information became bearable and the whole time, I had his hand rested on my back, rubbing up and down and allowing me to feel solace. I lifted my head up and greeted him with a soft peck on the lips. The room surrounding us was packed with people, and officials, families and friends, yet I felt like there was only us there. Even though the space was vacant with many others, the only voice I heard amongst the hundreds was Derek's, which asked.

'Do you wanna go home or to the hospital?'

'The hospital. I want to work.'

'The hospital it is then. Come on.'

We dawdled hand in hand, fingers intertwined in fingers through the halls and through the car park where we reached our ride. As the radio began to play the next song, the first two beats played and we both looked at each other. Smiled through our eyes and mouths and knew exactly what song it was. Truly Madly Deeply started to fill the car and we both laughed at the coincidence. I was wondering in my head how we'd managed to congregate so many of 'our songs' in the time we had been together. There were plenty now that I couldn't keep track but as soon as we heard them we knew. All I wanted to do was get up and dance and sway in his hold and rest my head on his shoulder. This song reminded me of the night where we,

I had the worst pin in my back that I had ever had and I genuinely felt like a 90 year old. Being stood in the OR for 16 hours straight day in day out, was seriously taking it's toll on my young body, so most nights, the only way to relieve the pain, was too lay on the hardwood floor and stare at the ceiling. That night I was doing exactly that, wearing a pair of blue straight flare jeans and my forest green jumper, when my fiancé walked through the door and stood in the doorway, internally laughing at me.

'Hey, I can see you laughing you know.'

'I'm not laughing.' He joked back fully aware of my knowledge that he was in fact laughing.

Next minute I knew, he was laid beside me with his head rested on my shoulder and his arm over my stomach.

'What we thinking about?'

'You.'

'Me?'

'Yes, you. Who else would I be thinking about?'

'Well I don't want to think about me, so who can I think about?'

He had come home from work in one of those moods that both annoyed the living hell out of me but also made me laugh and made my heart so full with love at the same time. I just laughed at his cheeky comment and brushed through his perfect hair with my hand.

'I tell you what, stand up.'

'That's the reason I'm laid down Derek. I've been standing too much.'

'Just trust me.' He reached his hand out to help me up and then put a tape into the player. His arm wrapped around my back so tightly and put a soothing amount of pressure on it which held me very close to his body. His groin practically grinder up against mine, we were that close. He motioned for my hand to join his at a 90° angle and our foreheads rested on one and others as we swayed, in the middle of the living room, to Truly Madly Deeply. Surprisingly, the pain had disappeared and now the exhaustion had replaced the feeling. My head drifted onto Derek's shoulder and I snuggled my nose into his neck. Our hands parted and his joined the top of my back and mine enveloped around his waist. We realised in that position until the music finished and then we embraced the mutual feelings and delivered a long, loving, lustful kiss to each other. That was one of the happiest nights of my life.

Listening to the lyrics, when the chorus came, 'i'll be your hope, i'll be your love, be everything that you need' and a mammoth smile framed my face. Derek noticed and one appeared across his too. I had a very strong realisation that I was were I wanted to be, with this man, and anything else to come and make the day better would be be welcomed with open arms.