Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
---- ☯ ----
third
younghyun, as soon as he stepped out of the apartment you shared, sensed something was wrong, or was going wrong. he pushed it aside, it was a start of a new day, how could he think of those things?
he looked back at you who was waving at him as he smiled back, walking to the stop and to his studio.
-
you looked at yourself in the mirror, tears voluntary made its way out.
a month. it has been a month you felt all these thoughts washing your brain.
hopeless.
useless.
worthless.
ugly.
idiot.
burden.
it was back again, and this time around, you can't stop it. neither can he, the one who made it all stop at once before.
his touches weren't enough, nothing was enough.
kill yourself.
a voice rang in your head. you hit your head repeatedly, as if it was going to make the voice disappear. the world was spinning around you and your hands eventually found the blade that was hidden at the top shelf of your cabinet, hidden on the eyes of younghyun.
you take a look at your skin behind the long sleeves you've been hiding from younghyun this month, avoiding his touches and advances because of this.
you press it against your skin, digging it deeper than those before, blood dripping on your pearl skin and on the blade. glided again, more drops of blood fall. you wrapped yourself with your arms, sitting hopelessly on the bathroom.
your eyes closed, still your tears found its way out of your eyes. you prayed to whoever was there to just take your life, right there, right now. your eyes shot wide, looking at the tub beside you.
as if a demon possessed you, you chuckled as you filled it with water.
"would it be nice to die on cold or hot water?" you mutter, you were out of your mind. "warm water it is."
you didn't bother taking your clothes off, it was too waste of time. you smiled once again, a flash of every memory with younghyun in your head.
"i love you, i'm sorry," you mumbled before letting yourself drown on the blood-colored water caused by the wounds on your skin.
-
younghyun and his guts were never wrong, so as soon as he stepped inside the studio, when he still felt his heart heavy, he apologized and went back home.
it was such a waste of time, really. an hour to the studio, only to ride back home because he was feeling sketchy.
but on the way home, he didn't doubt. he thought of every single thing that what might go wrong, or is going wrong.
when he thought,
all this time you were wearing a hoodie, or a sweater, or just something that covered too much of your skin when you were only with him.
how you avoided him touching you, romantically or not.
how you acted so much like before.
his heart beat much faster than before, proving that something is wrong and if that went worse, he will never forgive himself.
"fuck," he muttered under his breath when you weren't answering his texts, neither his calls. his foot tapped repeatedly under the poorly carpeted taxi, the driver looking at him anxiously when he asked him to speed up. "can you please stay here for a moment just in case?" he asked the driver the instant they got home.
the driver nods at him as he came running inside the house, shouting your name.
"y/n!" he runs up the stairs, looking around the shared bedroom when his eyes land outside the bathroom door, water overflowing. "shit," he knocks first, only to be shitting himself for doing so. he kicks the door open, tears forming in his eyes after seeing your state.
"y/n," he lifts you out of the tub, getting a bunch of towels to cover you- then performing what he knew about cpr on you. after you cough out some water, but still unconscious, he saw hope in life again. lifting you once more to the taxi which brought you to the hospital, he grabbed into dear life until you wake up.
"son," the taxi driver put a hand on his shoulder, grabbing his attention. "your wallet," he hands his wallet to younghyun and he quietly thanked him, caressing your wounded hand. "you know," the driver started again but younghyun didn't bat an eye on him. "if you're not strong enough for her at times like this, how could she be for herself?" younghyun now a little agitated at the nosy man, looked at him but he was just smiling at him.
well, he had a point.
so younghyun sighed and thanked the man again. the man left quietly after biding younghyun goodbye and cheer ups.
"i'm so sorry.." he kept on mumbling for hours. yes, until you woke up. "y/n," he stood up, not knowing what to do.
"oh, hi.." you muttered, your eyes fluttering your eyes because of the light.
"thank god," he finally bursts into tears which made you sit up. he kissed the back of your palm repeatedly, the last one long enough to give you the energy you once lost.
he worked his magic again.
you thought, which made you smile. just like how he saved you before, he did today. you thought it was some weird magic younghyun had, he can make everything disperse with just simply.. him. this is where you thought you shouldn't have avoided his touches, you should've talked it out with him in the first place.
you shouldn't have let the voice in your head win. you should've let younghyun's voice occupy you because that was what calmed you.
"hey," you lift his chin up and wiped his tears away. "i'm okay, and i'm sorry." you scrunched your nose at him.
you massaged the middle of his forehead, calming him.
"y/n, i'm so sorry, i should've known.. i'm-,"
"no, younghyun." you smiled at him. "i'm sorry. i let my inner thoughts win over me again." you sighed, looking at your poor skin. "when i should've known better i can win over it when i'm with you." you hugged him, quite tighter than you should.
"but y/n.. i almost lost you today.. if i did, i wouldn't know what to do, please.. if ever this happens in your head again, i want you to tell me, please?" his voice cracks, burrowing his face more on the crook of your neck.
you nod, smiling. you caressed his back, calming him once more.
the problem is not you. the problem is that you tend to forget the things or the ones that help you get through it.
"i promise," you smiled. "and i'll never forget ever again.. that i can win over this because i'm with you."
