Chris: My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair
Chris: Guess who came crawling back
———
Jade: I hate these double standards
Ally: Whaddya mean?
Jade: If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're "doing a good job", but if you burn a body at home it's called "destroying evidence"
Ally:...
———
Ben: Today was great
Akia: What happened?
Ben: I ran into my ex
Akia: How is that great?
Ben: I was in my car
———
Camila: You say toaster, I think ultimate bath bomb
Brandon: Mine's waterproof, so...
———
Perrie: Where did Little Suzy go during a bombing?
Perrie: Everywhere
———
Dinah: What part of a vegetable you can't eat?
Leigh: The leaf?
Dinah: The wheelchair
Leigh: (snickers) Thats fucked up
———
Jade: My therapist told me "Time heals all wounds", so I stabbed him
Jade: Now we wait...
———
Lauren: What do a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
Lauren: They both think "Shit, Mom's gonna kill me
Zion: (laughs) Bruh, I'm definitely going to hell
———
Brandon: Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday
Jesy: (weak as fuck)
———
Camila: What's green, in the forest, and smells really bad?
Dell: What?
Camila: A dead Girl Scout
Dell: Brooo
———
Austin: Hellen Keller walked into a bar... and a table... and a wall
———
Normani: What of Hitler meant "Glass of juice" and not "Gas the Jews"?
Michael: (blinks)
———
Random person: Does anyone know CPR?!
Perrie: I know the whole alphabet
———
Kaine: Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a day
Richard: Light a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
———
Zabdiel: I wish my grass in my yard was emo so it could cut itself
———
Erick: Why was six afraid of seven?
Leigh: Because seven ate nine?
Erick: No, seven was a registered six offender
———
Jesy: What starts an M and ends in -arriage?
Nick: Marriage?
Jesy: No, miscarriage
———
Jade: My favorite sex position is called WOW
Jade: It's where I flip your MOM over
———
Brandon: What if we have a zombie apocalypse, but the zombies are vegan?
Dell: Who would die, though?
Camila: Coma and disabled people (sips juice)
———
Joel: I work with animals all day everyday
Date: Aw, how sweet! Are you a zookeeper or a vet?
Joel: I'm a butcher
———
*Hell is hot so make sure y'all bring sunscreen, lots of water (frozen or it'll evaporate and turn into acid), flip flops, and your room key
YOU ARE READING
Incorrect 5H & LM quotes (ft. My Favorite Boy Bands)
FanfictionJust a bunch of dumb shit to laugh at
