This Is Stella's Reality

September 20, 2014

"So, I told him I like him, and then he said I know," I waved my hand in the air, my eyes wide as I looked at Natasha in disbelief.

Her eyes were amused, and she poured me another glass of wine. "Babe," she laughed, "didn't I tell you to eat his heart out? What happened to that?"

My eyes rolled, "Nat, I think I'm in love with him. I can't just pretend I'm not." I scowled down to the wine in my hands. Stupid Stella. Stupid Bucky. Stupid emotions.

We were sitting on her bed, a movie playing in the background that neither of us were watching. The lights were off and the glow from the TV fell over us. It was girl's night. Red wine and gossip flowed heavily through us. Nat had just returned from her mission with Clint. There was a lot to catch up on.

She readjusted her position on the bed, leaning her weight onto her forearms, smiling at me, "He really said 'I know?'"

"Nat, I can still hear it in my head."

"Did you stay after that?"

"Obviously."

She laughed loudly, "I can't stand you." The room echoed with the sound, "What happened after?"

I sighed, "We showered and laid down together and slept." We had been silent most of the night, cuddling and falling asleep easily with exhaustion. I remember waves of nausea floating in me as I laid next to him in bed.

"Boring," she muttered, sipping her wine, "what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know, why do you think I'm here?"

"Well," Natasha finished her wine, "my advice didn't help much last time."

I rubbed the crease that had formed in my brows, "Yeah."

She sat up, scooting closer to me and resting her palms on my shoulders, "Stel, you have to be honest with yourself. Is he and your relationship right now enough for you at this moment? Will you regret continuing it or breaking it off?"

My head burned with anxiety. I need answers from Bucky, but I know he can't give them. I don't want to break it off, but I also need more than what I have. I hung my head onto Nat's shoulder. I just wished he'd tell me he likes me.

I felt her cheek pull into a grin, "I know it sucks, babe."

Tears welled in my eyes, "I just like him so much." They burned with frustration.

"Let's do something else. Take your mind off of him. We need more wine anyways," it was less of a suggestion and more of a command. She stood on shaky feet; we had drunk a lot of wine.

I stood too, the world spinning around me. Natasha took my hand, leading me down the stairs to the living room, wine glasses still in hand.

My feet froze at the sound of a TV blaring downstairs accompanied by the boys laughing. If it was girl's night, it must be boy's night too. I hadn't seen Bucky much since I woke up in his bed after telling him I liked him. I didn't want to see him right now.

Nat noticed, connected the dots in her head, and rolled her eyes, dragging me along.

The boys sat on the three couches of the living room, watching a comedy special on TV. My eyes avoided looking at them, not having the courage to face Bucky yet.

Tony saw us, sneaking to the final steps, "Hey, ladies, enjoying your evening?"

Clint scoffed, "Uh, this is a boys only zone." He held his hand up, signaling us to stop.

"We need more alcohol," Nat said plainly.

I walked swiftly to the bar behind the couches, reaching for the mini wine cooler. I grabbed two more bottles, speeding back to Nat's side, hoping to vanish back upstairs and black out on wine.