Remember When...? (2)

17.

Ben

That was a pretty intense conversation. It definitely had me thinking though.

I have this good woman. This woman who's investing so much time into me and our little family. The least I can do is make it known, in full, that no one will come in between that. But us athletes have already painted this image of ourselves that we're all cheaters and liars.

I feel for Ally, and every other woman who devotes all their time to making sure their families are well taken care of. It takes a lot of sacrifice to miss your male counterpart six months out of the year, and when you hear their name pop up it's associated with some kind of scandal. I don't want that for her, and she damn sure doesn't deserve it.

The women I've been linked to in the past were all bad news. Sure they looked good, but their personalities were bland and they had no kind of self advocacy. What was their worth? What did they think of today's current issues? How could they contribute? Things like that.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sit at the kitchen counter now, trying to figure out where to go from here. I call my mom to get her advice on how to proceed.

M: Hello?
B: Hey mom.
M: Hey Ben. What's wrong?
B: I need your help.
M: What is it?
B: Ally and I kinda got into a heated discussion about our future together and I think she's having second thoughts about it.

I fiddle with the candy wrapper that's on the table.

M: What did you do? What did you say?
B: I may have misled her to think that I wouldn't be loyal in our marriage to each other, just from my previous romantic ties.
M: Where did this conversation stem from?
B: Social blogs posting about us on Instagram and stuff.

I put her on speaker so I don't have to hold the phone.

M: There must be some missing pieces to this story.
B: There are.
M: What are they?
B: While I was involved with Kendall, and possibly Tinashe, I was sexually tied to Ally. It was a no strings attached kind of thing, where we made a deal that we'd meet up behind closed doors and stuff like that. Eventually it turned into something bigger than that and...here we are today.

The line goes quiet for a while before she speaks up.

M: So let me get this straight...you were using Ally for sex?
B: Yes ma'am.
M: And she fell in love with you but you dismissed her feelings and told her you didn't want to get involved with her romantically...even though you were emotionally attached as well?
B: Yes. Exactly.
M: Oh Jesus.
B: It doesn't sound good saying it out loud.
M: It doesn't sound good at all.

I rub my fingers along my temples.

M: Ben, I don't know what to say.
B: I feel like I've been forcing it out of mind. Kinda like, "out of sight, out of mind". But there's a piece of her that's still hurt over what happened and it's putting fear into her now.
M: There's a piece of her that will always be hurt from that. It's not easy letting things like that go, even if she was willing to do it.

I sigh.

M: Now she's hearing it from different perspectives and it's making her think that what's happening between you two is a mistake. If she's questioning you guys' future, don't you think she's afraid of the inevitable?
B: Yeah.
M: I'm not really invested in what goes on behind the curtain with you athletes, but I do know that plenty of women are involved and lots of kids are coming out of it. Not just that, but it's emotionally damaging. I've seen the women you bought home Ben, and a lot of them were not good for you. But that's what you liked and I had no say in the matter.