Remember || A Divergent Fan-fiction

Chapter 21

Tobias's PoV

I stand there unable to breath. It's been a few moments since Tris walked away. I want to run after her, but my legs won't obey. They're glued to the carpet. My thoughts are still sluggish as I try to digest what just happened.

"Are you okay, Tobias?" Evelyn asks but she seems a hundred miles away.

I don't answer as she repeats the same question a couple of times. She takes a hesitant step towards me. I am still in a daze.

"Tobias," her voice is softer than usual but still distant. She touches my shoulder with her hand awkwardly.

And that's when I snapped out of it. All of the emotions I've been carrying around the last two months crash down on me. My knees buckle. Evelyn grabs me to hold my balance. But I am too heavy for her. I fall down on my knees with her. I try to hold up the emotions long enough to tell Evelyn to leave me alone. But the invisible dam I have built inside me bursts without a warning.

Tears start to fall down. I am too miserable to blink them away. So I let the little rebels win. I make no effort to stand up and pull myself together.

I hide my face in my hands and sob into them. Evelyn is silent for a moment.

"What is it Tobias?" She asks in a soft tone.

My first instinct is to hide everything from her, but I am scared that they would drive me crazy.

"She kissed me." I say the obvious. I sob loudly. Evelyn is quiet so I continue. "She kissed me just a moment ago, Evelyn. She kissed me. But why do I feel like," my voice is suddenly raspy. "She's far away as she could be? I can tell her everything, but can't. She's still not here even when she is standing before my eyes.

"All of this seems like an illusion making me crazy." I sob again. "I want this to stop. I am done with this torture. When am I allowed to have a normal life? Why can't I just make her mine just like before? What wrong did I do? I feel like half of my heart is missing. I can see it before me, but out of reach.

"When I saw her lifeless body, I felt like killing myself that day. But this? This is too much. When I saw her in the gym for the first time, I expected her to run into my arms and kiss me, tell me that she missed me and loved me and was sorry that she went without a goodbye.

"She doesn't remember me. I am just like a character from a fantasy for her. She's only known me for a brief time. What if she never..." I trail off refusing to end the thought. I sniff and tremble for a while.

Evelyn gathers enough courage to hug me. I sob into her t-shirt ruining her hair. "I want her. I want her so bad. I feel like confessing everything even if it kills her. But I am helpless Mum." I doesn't even notice that I used the word but I feel Evelyn stiffen a little before relaxing and patting me lightly on my back.

"She will remember you someday. I don't know how much you love each other, but I know that when you love someone truly, you never really lose them. They always find a way back to you." As she says it, I feel like she is relating to me and her.

I don't say anything, but hug her harder pressing my face into her shoulder until it hurts. It helps to stiffen out my sobs. I try to stop the replay of the kiss and how I enjoyed that moment.

I don't know how, but now I feel like she will remember me. I can wait for her to do so her whole life. Even if she does that on her death bed, I will be happy beyond explaining.

What matters now is that we get to spend at least a second in each other's arms. A second of our own world without any interruptions. A second to enjoy us. I won't lose that hope until my heart beats its last beat. A second chance we lost because of pure coincidence.

I know, I know. You're probably cursing me for making Four cry. But, kids, he's a human being too. Can't always tough and emotionless. Then he'd be a robot. One more chap and I'm out :)

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