The little things

Stupid.

I did it.

I opened the message.

It was so stupid.

This is why I'm afraid to face fear.

Fear is there for a reason.

It is a warning.

Fear should not be challenged.

But we do it anyway.

For the thrill.

For the rush.

Then comes the down.

The realisation of what you just did.

For most there is then the euphoria for what they did was great.

But what I did was stupid.

It was selfish.

And I feel horrible.

But by lying and agreeing to do it I would feel worse.

But you just can't stop can you.

You somehow make me feel worse.

But it's like a drug.

I'm addicted to the feelings.

It makes me feel stupid.

It makes me feel like I tease.

It makes me feel like a horrible person.

But they are such great feelings.

They add to the pain that I love.

I hold the pain close.

The pain outweighs the fear.

The pain of failure.

Failure is what I was always afraid of.

But I don't know why.

Because since I was stupid enough.

Since I failed.

It brought me the pain that I live so dearly.

Fear should be challenged.

I was wrong before.

Because for those it does not bring euphoria for directly.

It brings a pain that gives the same sensation.

The rush.

The excitement.

But the down is large.

It is darker than ever.

I take back everything.

Never challenge fear.

It is the most stupid thing you could do.

Fear is a warning against the brave.

For they are not brave.

They are stupid.

Originally published 19th February 2015