The little things

Hard hit

I took it hard.

The realisation that things weren't going to stay the same forever.

Change didn't sit well with me.

Change didn't happen in my life. No one died, births weren't such a change and didn't really impact me. Never moved.

The biggest change was transferring from primary school to secondary school and even that wasn't big. It was 10 minutes closer to home, I moved with everyone I already knew.

And then suddenly I'm going to college, with no one.

And then I plan to go to university. On the other side of the world, certainly no one is following me there.

And after that, no more sheltered life, no more structure.

And I don't like that.

I'm taking it hard, the fact that 20 years from now, I'm going to bump into someone in a supermarket and go

'Hey I remember you, we went to school together.'

And instead of seeing a teenager, who can't remember whether they're supposed to be using Pythagoras' theorem or SOHCAHTOA I'll see an adult, with a job and an income and a house with a mortgage and 2 kids, one who is now in Year 11, which is the last place I remember seeing them.

And it will hit me, that 20 years have passed, since I lay in bed, in the dark, in the early hours of the morning, shaking, crying, afraid of how quickly things changed. Afraid that it seems no more than a blink and suddenly I'm in my 30s, not a teenager anymore.

And then I'll look at how my life has changed.

On that day, I will probably go home and cry.

I'll log onto my old Wattpad account, and I'll read this poem. I'll read every poem. I'll read everything I have ever written and ever will write.

I'll read every story I ever archived that still exists. And I'll get excited all over again, I'll fall in love with the characters. And then, I will remember that, that's not me anymore.

And that will hit me hardest of all.

(I would like to note, this is an important milestone, this is my 100th poem.)