The little things

First pick. Last pick.

The first day of school always sucks.

But there are things that make it better and worse. And throughout the day, the worse has shown its face.

I'm no stranger to not being popular, to not being so good at a sport that everyone immediately wants you on their team.

And I thought I understood what the dejection of being picked last felt like, but then I was picked last.

It really sucks, and I'm not bad at sports, it's just that no one likes me, I am alone in that class and I hadn't realised.

I felt so isolated and so estranged.

And then throughout the day I saw it more and more. Nobody wanted to sit with me, nobody saved a space for me, everyone walked without me.

I realised I was nobody's favourite, I was no one's first pick, there was always someone they would choose over me.

And within friendship groups there is a sort of understanding that everyone has their pair. But I don't.

I get that most of the time I'm not last pick, but just once, I'd like to be somebody's first.