The little things

Heartbreak

I didn't understand heartbreak. Until I felt it.

Because emotions are felt in the brain, just signals being passed from one place to another, telling your body whether smiling or crying is an appropriate response to recent information.

The heart is just a muscle designed to pump blood around the body.

So why was it called heartbreak?

And then it happened to me.

It's called heartbreak because there is a physical pain in your chest that feels unbearable.

It's so painful you feel like your heart has been torn in half.

And you feel so emotionally and physically broken.

It's an overwhelming sensation, a sudden hit of realisation, and at first you don't know what to do, it feels as if the air has been sucked out of your lungs.

You're unable to breathe.

And sometimes the tears don't come it's such a shock, but when they do, they come in torrents, it feels like you'll never stop.

Everything hurts and you lose the capacity to think about anything else, because the one thing you thought would never happen, the thing that means the most in the world to you, the feelings that were never supposed to be yours....

have broken you.

And it's such a heavy weight, you can't fix it by yourself.

For once no amount of cable ties or duct tape or hitting it will fix this.

Your heart is truly broken.

And you know it's your heart and not your head, because there's a hollow feeling in your chest, and a numbness about your entire body, as if your heart had stopped, as if it was actually broken.

And what's worse is, there's no diagnosis, no medicine or painkiller, no name a doctor can give to it, nothing they can prescribe for it, because your heart beats as strong as ever, and your blood flows a red river.

I haven't figured out how to mend it yet, no time nor love has fixed it, but there will always be cracks and scars and that little missing piece that no one can ever find.

But know this; when a bone breaks the fracture is the weakest part, but once it's healed the location of the break is the strongest part of the bone.