The little things

Sometimes

Sometimes you just feel shitty. It happens to everyone.
Sometimes no matter how great things are for you at a certain moment in time, there will be times where you feel shitty.

Sometimes you don't wanna do something or go somewhere. You hate the idea of it so much that it makes you feel dead.
Sometimes the desire to not do something can be stronger than any relationship or sense of obligation.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. And it doesn't make you a bad person.
Sometimes you try so hard, so fucking hard, to make everyone else happy and you forget that your own happiness matters.

Sometimes you help people because you never want them to feel as shitty as you do. You don't want them to feel as if they aren't beautiful, as if they don't deserve the world.
Sometimes our greatest acts of kindness, come from our darkest feelings.

Sometimes you feel as if you aren't enough. Like no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you'll never be enough.
Sometimes you feel as if your best just isn't good enough.

Sometimes you are selfish. You want what's best for you, over what's best for others.
Sometimes you are the most important person in your world.

Sometimes you are overly selfless. You help others, to the point where it's at your own expense.
Sometimes you are so determined to not be shallow you refuse help and want none of the attention on you.

Sometimes you will cry for no reason. You could be having a great day or an average day, and break down sobbing, for no reason at all.
Sometimes the sadness just creeps in, no matter how hard you try.

And you know what? All of these things are okay.

You're going to feel shitty some days, you aren't going to be a-okay all the time. Some days you will just cry for no reason, and that's fine. You don't always have to be strong, you don't always have to be okay.

You are going to go through swings of not wanting any help from anyone, and helping everyone else and being focused on yourself above anything. And that's fine, being selfless is great, but you are important too, more important than anyone else.

Having desires that are so strong that nothing can sway you is fine. Standing by something you want and believe, no matter what the outcome, no matter what others, even those important to you, may say, can be one of the most important decisions you make.

None of these things make you weak, or make you a bad person. They are part of being human and having humanity.

Sometimes these things happen. But they are always okay.

11.7.16