The little things

Neverland

'C'mon, loosen up a little. You're always so uptight and don't have fun. You forgot how to be a kid.'

No I didn't. I would love to be a kid. I am still aged a kid, but mentally I'm not.

When I look in the mirror I don't see a happy and bubbly teenager like I should, I don't see that sparkle in my eyes.

I see someone forced to grow up because everyone else refused to. She tried and tried to hold on to her youth, but something had decided it must be her.

I see a nanny to the masses, that watches out for everyone, thousands of kids under her care.

And because I was forced to grow up, much is my love for Peter Pan for I wish I could never grow up.

Great is my wish that some night he will fly to me and take my hand.

Fly me away to Neverland where I will never have to be a grown up and never have to live by rules.

I wished so much not be chosen to grow up. To care for everyone, heal their wounds, support their achievements, catch them in their falls, teach them about life, make sure they learn.

I wished to be one of the many that stay young, not one of the few that grow old.

And when people are asking about my reasons for suicide, everyone will say

'She was so uptight, I guess she was hiding it from us all.'

And I wasn't, I was forced to be that way. But no longer.

For now Peter Pan can fly me to Neverland.

7.8.15