The little things

Anonymity

There was a piece I was going to publish today, and right before I clicked publish, I hesitated.

The piece I had written was raw and emotional. But it was also personal. And usually I have no problems posting pieces that talk about how I feel or things that are happening.

This is partly because my account allows me to be anonymous, but in a way that allows you to know me. It allows you to know what kind of person I am and my feelings and what's going on in my life, without anyone actually knowing who I am.

And partly it's because, the people that do know me on here, it doesn't bother me if they see it, because it's usually something they already know, is not that important, or what I've written has no relevance to me.

But that made me realise that there are people on her who do know me and know that this is my account. And that no longer allows me to be anonymous, if there's something going on that I don't want anyone in my real life to know about I have to keep it inside me.

And that can't be healthy, having no release for these things. But this piece. No one who knows who I actually am can be allowed to read it, no matter how much I want to publish it.

And sure you might think at least writing it would provide some release, but it doesn't. Because I have to know that someone has read it, that someone who doesn't know me, knows how I feel.

And because the only way I can stop them reading it is to block them, there's nothing I can do. Unless I am willing to block them, and possibly provide an explanation if necessary. But that's a decision I'll have to make for myself.

Anonymity is important to me, it's why I own accounts no one knows about, and it's not that I don't trust the people around me, it's just nice to sometimes be able to say what you're thinking and feeling and going through, without anyone knowing who you are.

Anonymity is my release, and now I have to find it.

12.6.16