The little things

Cracks

These next few pieces are kind of part of one thing.

-------------

When I first started primary school I loved it, but by the last couple of years I hated it.

I wouldn't get up in the morning because I was so demotivated and when I came home at night I would do my work, then not do anything else because I had no passion.

They kept telling me 'it's just a stepping stone to get where you need to go, secondary school will be better.'

And so I got to secondary school and I loved it. For a year. I was indifferent for another year and a half. But for the past two and and a half years I have hated it.

And as my final year draws to a close, I'm the same as I was before. And I bury myself in tv shows and books, hoping if I dig hard enough I'll become part of them. It's why instead of sleeping at night, I read books and watch to shows and watch youtube, because I would rather be doing that.

And to help me get through it they keep telling me 'It's just a stepping stone.' And that's why I'm afraid when you keep telling me 'college will be better.'

Because this was supposed to better! This has been hell! I have cried myself to sleep so many times, I have broken down more times than I can count, I have not stopped wanting to scream and shout at everything for the past two and a half years!

And I'm afraid that college will be even worse, and I'm dying from the weight on my shoulders. And I have had so many cracking points where I've started to break, I don't know how long they can keep chipping before I just fall apart.