Second Sphere

I was happy

The days and weeks that followed were peaceful. After a time Bucky and I moved to a small village on the outskirts of the main city. The advanced tech of Wakanda was just a bit too much right now, he needed some time away from everything to continue to sort through his memories.

At first we were both stared at and avoided, whispers would follow us. It makes sense two outsiders, one only having one arm and the other a massive pair of wings. We each tried to pull our own weight and help out but it was a rocky start. Eventually though things started to settle down. Bucky, even with only one arm, was able to lift quite a bit and the goats had taken a liking to him. The village children were fascinated by my wings and eventually they were left for me to watch more and more. I could feel parents watchful and wary eyes on me in the beginning, but time went on and that grew less and less. Eventually there was acceptance.

Mornings are my favorite, the quiet and dim before the sun rises. Most nights Bucky tosses and turns from whatever memories haunt his dreams, he will wake up in a panic sitting straight up and gasping for air. Being a light sleeper it wakes me up and I try and bring him back from the darkness. Wrapping my wings around us and taking his face in my hands, rubbing gentle circles in his beard until I can see recognition in his eyes. His breathing will slow and he will lean into my shoulder, his face against my neck. I keep one hand on his back and the other I run through his hair. I tell him where we are, when we are. I tell him we are safe, we are free, we are here together. Eventually he falls asleep like that, rested up against me, his hand buried in cloth or feathers, whatever he had grabbed onto. But by the time the pale morning comes he's always resting peacefully.

There are few times I'll go back to sleep after that. I always was a light sleeper and I slept very little, that hasn't changed. Not that my sleep is any more peaceful than Bucky's. I just stay trapped in those nightmares, still and unmoving outside but internally trying to claw free. But sleep or not when the morning comes everything is still. And I'm happy.

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"So is that where you go now?" Dr. Raynor asks me. "Your home reports say you meditate now."

I let out a shaky breath. "Sometimes. It's almost always Wakanda." I run my hand on the edge of one of my wings. "The fields where they trained and bred great rhinos for war. Okoye and I trained there. It turns out I wasn't fit to be a lifelong babysitter. I got stir crazy. Shuri told me to stop abusing the trees I practiced with and got Okoye to mentor me. You can't ask for a better person to train with than the general of the Dora Milaje. She had me on my ass more than once."

"Why were you stir crazy if you were as happy as you claim." Dr. Raynor looks at me instead of writing.

"I was happy. That didn't change. But it was like missing a part of myself. For so long all I had done was fight. Fight for me, fight to keep Bucky safe. And here he was safe. There were no more battles, no more targets or hits. No more omens to give. And I didn't know what I was without that." I glare down at my wings.

Dr. Raynor leans back, taking a moment to look me over. "There was another war after that. And then for two of the four years the blip occurred in you were a ghost. Did you find out then?"

I laugh grimly and look away, "No."