Second Sphere

Accountable

"So that's it then. Nothing else happened in the three months that followed." Dr. Raynor looks at me.

"Nope." I pop the p. At least nothing else happened that I want to talk about.

Raynor sighs, "We have talked to each other for a long enough time that I can tell when you lie."

"Well what if it's not worth mentioning." I mutter, slouching down in my chair.

"It's not? Really. Don't forget I was a soldier too, I know how important your partner becomes. The dependence that breeds. So you two falling out would be worth mentioning." Raynor says picking her pen up to continue writing.

"Why not just ask Bucky then. You see both of us and I'm sure he has plenty to say." I roll my eyes.

She furrows her brows, "I can't disclose that" she starts but I cut her off.

"So he has talked about it." I interrupt.

"AND regardless of what any of my clients discuss with me, we are here to talk about how you see things." Raynor continues ignoring my outburst. "So. Continue." She motions forward with her hand for me to keep talking.

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With half the population suddenly returning there was definitely some upsets. A lot of things had to be figured out, some sense of order needed to be achieved. And there needed to be accountability. There's no longer Ironman or Captain America to come save the day. Just the rest of us. And with Wanda going and taking over a town the government really cracked down on the rest of us. That included being held accountable not only for what I had done under Hydra but these last five years as well. Which meant I now had to tell Bucky what I had been up to, a conversation I did not want to have and I put it off as long as I could.

"Hey Bucky, we need to talk about something." I say picking at the hem of my shirt.

"What is it?" He sat on the bed across from me.

"My trial is tomorrow, and I know you said you will be there to support me through it but you need to know there are more charges. Some...things happened in these last few years." I grimace at 'things'.

"What kind of things?" He asks softly.

I take a deep breath. "In the last three years of you being gone, I couldn't handle it. I went and I hunted down what I could of Hydra." I explain.

"Putting a bunch of hydra behind bars isn't necessarily a crime." Bucky starts but then he pauses understanding what I meant. "Birdy, you didn't..."

"No one else was doing it. With the world changed, no one was taking the time to prosecute them. And it was the only way I felt like I was close to you again." I meekly respond.

Bucky looks at me disgusted and his voice starts to raise, "Killing. Murdering made you feel close to me again?" He gets up off the bed and starts to pace. "You really thought that was the right thing to do? That I would want that?"

"No-I. When you make it sound like that it twists what it was." I frown trying to explain myself.

"Then what was it?!" His tone is harsh and cuts through me.

"I killed bad people when no one else would. I stopped them from hurting others I was making things right in the only way I could. You, we, we did the exact same thing. We killed because we were told, because we were hurt and now those people can never do that to anyone else again Bucky." I can hear the desperation in my voice, the plea to try and get him to see.

"I didn't have a choice! You did! You always did! Even with Hydra they couldn't manipulate your brain, just mine." Bucky yells at me before turning away.

"Bucky. I. I'm sorry I-" he cuts me off before I can finish.

"It was you. It was always you." He scoffs. "You were always just my handler! You really should be held accountable for everything you've done. Even now you're trying to control me. Do you think I can't feel the mental tug you are doing, trying to soften things so I will calm down. Well I'm done being calm." He starts to walk quickly down the stairs.

I scramble out of bed after him. "Bucky! I wasn't trying to do that! It's subconscious, I can't control it as much since I lost you five years ago." My pleas fall on deaf ears.

He turns at the front door and looks back at me, I don't know what he was looking for as his gaze scans me but he doesn't find it. He shakes his head and slams the door behind him.

I throw it open following him out but he is already leaving. "Bucky please!" I call out, but get no response. As I watch his disappearing figure I collapse on the porch and let sobs wrack my body.