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I DIDN'T ATTEND JACK'S FUNERAL.
Partly because I could get out of bed, and partly because I knew that going would be far too painful and my father agreed. Looking back, I regret not going and I believed it was selfish of me not to attend.
I'd only ever been to one funeral before, and it was my distant uncle's; everybody was crying and the atmosphere was horrendous but somehow I didn't feel sad. I had just turned thirteen a few days prior so I hadn't quite grasped the concept of loss and death, plus I never knew my uncle. With everyone crying around me, I felt as if I had to cry too, but I didn't, I couldn't, I didn't feel anything. Of course, I felt guilt for not being upset and sympathy for those who were grieving, but how can you miss someone you've never met?
I switched off my phone as I clambered into my dad's car, he was holding to door open for me as if he was my chauffeur. We drove in mostly silence but every few minutes of so he reminded me of how proud he was of me and that I was brave — it was very comforting. Unsure of where to go, my father and I looked and spotted people who were dressed in black and carrying balloons and candles and we got the memo for where to go.We pulled up to the curb and my dad helped me with the helium balloons that I had shoved in the trunk of the car and I carried the bouquet of flowers. Jack's mother had arranged a memorial for Jack to honour him, and of course I attended since it was the least I could do and it was an attempt to make up for missing his funeral. Of course Mrs Grazer had no problem with me not attending and understood completely, yet I still felt guilty.
I followed my father as we went to the field which was beside the bridge or Jack and I's 'spot'. There was plenty of people there, some I didn't know and some I did: people from school, Jack's parents and his siblings, and then my friends. I made my way over to them and they all greeted me as cheerfully as possible. Someone was missing. Finn.
"Where's Finn?" I whispered to Mille who was beside me, praying I said it loud enough that she could hear over Jack's mother thanking everyone for being here. The brunette shrugged and sighed in response before flicking her head around to see if she could catch a glimpse of the boy and I did the same. Yet there was no sign of him. Was he seriously not coming? I shook my head and listened to Jack's parents as they continued to talk about the boy we had recently lost.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to imagine the scenarios they were detailing: the time Jack got his first pet, the time he broke his leg, the first time he got a girlfriend and all the way up to him getting accepted into his dream college. I smiled to myself knowing what a wonderful, yet short, life the boy had lived.
"Sorry." someone whispered as they wedged them self between Millie and I. The voice broke me out of my imagination and I opened my eyes to see Finn, he was dressed in a shirt and tie, complimented by a pair of tidy black trousers. I smiled to myself and we continued listening everybody's kind words about Jack. All of a sudden, I felt Finn's hand brush past mine and I tensed up for a moment.
I shook the feeling off and put the hand brush down to being accidental, but my suspicions were shut down as he 'accidentally' touched my hand a further three times. Did he want to hold my hand? I gritted my teeth and reached out, grabbing his hand. I felt tense and embarrassed as I could feel his hand was cold and stiff in mine. However, I soon relaxed as I felt his hand melt into mine and we intertwined fingers.
Neither of us said a word, we just stood there, enjoying eachother's company.
A/N wow chapter 45... this is certainly the longest book i've ever written and it says it takes about 2 hours to read the whole thing! i was intending on this book being 60 chapters but i'm sure it's going to be longer than that. also i've put in more fadie moments as you all requested but as you know by now there's always drama around the corner, but remember all the events are leading up to finn and sadie becoming an endgame couple! thanks for reading! - soph
