Be Mine

80

Lia never felt so alone at that moment. Her tears have been flowing non-stop and she doesn't know where it all began. Is it because the Caloy left her? Or is it because there's her anxiety kicking in once again to ruin her messed up life? The fears in her life never went away, but with Caloy around, those fears fade like the wind would just easily sweep them.

She's sitting on the floor, legs curled to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She tries her best to make her tears stop, but they won't and her cry is slowly turning into a sob. She is sobbing because of the pain and fear that has come upon her.

She is just wanting a simple life. That's it. And for someone who just wants to be happy by marrying the love of her life and by becoming a mom, she keeps questioning why it must happen to her. A lot of women, who don't want to get pregnant, gets pregnant, but why does she need to experience this? She has more questions in her head, but the one thing that she needs answer from is... Is she now all alone?

This wouldn't happen if only she kept the medicines and the test results first. She could've shoved it in one of her drawers or tore the paper apart. Why didn't she think of that first? Now, she blames herself, making her sob more, and her wails can now be heard around the quiet unit.

But her sobs became even louder when the familiar arms slowly carry her, placing her on the bed. She clings on to his shirt like her life depended on it. She squeezed her way inside his chest, into the crook of his neck, hoping that everything was not a dream, and he is really there for her. He envelopes her into his arms and she doesn't care if he is getting soiled with tears, sweat and her saliva.

"Ssshhhhh.... I'm here... Stop crying, Love..." she felt him kiss her hair and his warm voice just made everything worse for her. Her feelings are valid, he would always say that, but is it still valid when she doubted him again by just leaving like that?

She cried more that it came to a point that she is catching her breath. "Okay... okay... Breathe, Love... Relax, Mahal... Breathe..." she feels his hand rubbing her back, comforting her, making a slow rub so she can follow a pattern to normalize her breathing.

She has never cried this hard and long. She didn't even cry like this when her mother died. But when it comes to Caloy, it only shows how weak she is. This proves how much she loves him that she might not be able to live when he leaves her. She can't live her life without him.

She tries her best to calm down, there are points when she would breathe normally and then find herself catching her breath once again. Caloy just stayed with her, rubbing her back, her arms, placing kisses on her hair, and she just want to stay like that with him. She wants to absorb him, trying to gain strength because she knows that they will talk. They need to talk. She must scratch the idea of not telling him about her condition because with what he saw, he will ask and indeed, in whatever ways she can hide her problem, there will never be a perfect time to discuss it. So, it's now or never.

Lia slowly pulls away and looks up at him. Her fingers are still clinging on his shirt, as she doesn't want to let go. Caloy's free hand cups her face and tucks her lose hair behind her ears and wipes her tears with the palm of his fingers. Then he shows her a warm smile that assures her that it's going to be all right. It hits her hard that she didn't trust him. Damn her anxiety for making her feel that way.

"Feeling better, Love?" She slowly nodded. "Natakot ba kita dahil naiwan kita mag-isa?" She nodded again. "I'm sorry." He kisses her forehead. "Dapat hinintay kita matapos maligo bago ako bumaba..."

"Don't... Don't say sorry... I should be the one to say sorry..." She saw how his brows met in the middle, probably confused at what she just said.

"What are you talking about?" he kept wiping the tears that fall from her eyes.

She looks at the end of the bed, where the test results are and then back at Caloy who is also looking at it.  "You saw it, right? I'm sure you did. Hindi ka aalis kung hindi mo nakita yun."