LONELY| Thomas Shelby

2.1

STORMING OUT OF Polly's, Beth let out a sigh of frustration as she ran a tired hand over her face. Tommy came behind her letting out a grumble. "I thought we were fucking over this! I thought since I left you'd tell me stuff but no! Not Tommy fucking Shelby." Reaching out for her hand, Tommy pulled Beth against him, feeling as she began to struggle he didn't let go, holding her tight. Beth sighed, relaxing against his hold. "I'm so sorry. I am. I'm sorry."

Beth only hugged the man tighter, letting out a small cough as she held back her tears. In a way she felt trapped again. Trapped in Small Heath, trapped in the alcohol that she consumed, trapped in her old skin as a blinder, trapped under Tommy's empowering finger and with as much a push she could disappear into the person she most feared she'd become again. Pushing him back slightly she grasped his face in her hands, "You need to stop doing this Tom. I'm sick of the secrets and apologies."

Tommy's face showed no emotions as he watched the blonde woman infront of him. Leaning down he placed a kiss to her lip. Standing back up straight, he fixed his jacket and turned around leaving Beth alone once again as Tommy began to strut through Small Heath.

•

Beth had been left on her own, her only options being to go home, sit inside with Polly or go find John. Knocking on the door to John's house, Beth grinned seeing Esme open the door with a handful of clothes. "Beth!" Esme grinned, pushing the door open. Beth stepped inside, grinning at the black haired woman as she entered the chaotic household. Beth closed the door behind her before following Esme through the house to see John sitting on the armchair. "He's in a bad mood Bethy- don't take his shit!"

Letting out a small laugh, Beth sat onto the side of the armchair, swinging her legs over John's lap. "What's up Johnny boy?" Bringing his drink of whiskey to his lips, John took a sip, his hand tight around the glass. "Fuck off Beth. Don't be bloody annoying me, eh?" He grumbled unhappily, pushing her legs down. Standing up, Beth let out a small scoff. Walking over to the tray she poured herself a glass of whiskey before sitting onto the longer couch. "Watch your mouth John. You're not bloody talking to Esme now."

Beth rolled her eyes, watching as the man shifted in his chair, his eyes darkening. "Why what you going to do? Tell Tommy on me?" John spat, downing the rest of his drink. "What's you're fucking problem John?" Beth questioned. "I'm just sick of this shit. Your shit. Tommy's shit. Arthur's shit. I'm so fucking done." Letting out a loud laugh, Beth shook her head. "Man up and deal with your fucking life John. Don't bloody take it out on the one person that's fucking there."

In return John let out a scoff, his eyes leaning towards the blonde who sat across from him. "There? Bloody there? I'm always fucking there. While you cry over fucking Tommy or drink too fucking much or decide to run away. I alway come and fucking find you. I always am fucking there. If Tommy loved you half as much as I fucking love you he would do that stuff but it's always me. He doesn't love you Beth!" John shouted.

Beth felt her blood boil as she stood to her feet. "How many fucking times have I been there for you? Who the bloody fuck helped you through Martha's death, who wiped the sick from your mouth as you puked up the contents of your stomach from the drugs and drink, who the fuck helped you with your kids? I did! I fucking did! My mother and father died, my brother died, I lost Tommy to a war. My Tommy got left on the battle fields on France and came home to me and left me when I fucking needed him."

"You! You left me! Calvin he left me! My mum and dad gone. Tommy came back to me. Tommy always comes back to me and I came back to him. I left him, I lived my life in Small Heath- but that's not who I am. I'm expected to be Bethany fucking Clover who sits at the Shelby's feet like a waiting dog. Don't you dare- throw your love for me back into my face because you're in a mood. You and I have been to hell and back together John and don't you fucking forget that. You have been my bestfriend since the age of eight so don't you fucking dare treat me like shit."

John's mouth fell open slightly and his expression softened as if he had realised what he had done. "Beth I'm sorry- I-." Beth wiped her hand over her eyes, wiping away her tears as she shook her head. "I'm going home." She murmured, before walking out the door.  Beth walked as fast as she could out of the house until she reached her car. Sitting into it she let out a broken sob, leaning her head lightly against the steering wheel. Taking a deep breath she looked over at John's house from where she sat in her car to see Esme shouting at John threw the window.

Shaking her head, Beth took a shaking breath and turned the keys of her car on her venture back to the Shelby Manor.

•

Arriving outside the manor, Beth realised she was left home alone again- accompanied by the maids but for another night that week- without Thomas Shelby. Stepping into the Manor, one of the maids hung Beth's jacket up and watched as the woman kicked off her heels. Mascara was sure to have been smudged down her face but Beth didn't entirely care. Walking up the stairs a cry echoed through the halls, a cry from Charles. Huffing out a breathe as she walked by, the screams only seemed to get louder.

Giving in, Beth turned around and walked to the room, looking at the distressed maid as she tried to soothe the baby into silence. "I'm so sorry miss Shelby, he won't stop crying, I'm so sorry." Beth only smiled, shaking her head as she took the baby from the woman's hands and sat into the rocking chair. "Nonsense, it's a child you can't control his emotions. Please- call me Beth." The maid only nodded, watching as the child had stoped crying. Beth continued to rock back and forth in the chair before the child was completely asleep.

"You can take the rest of the night off." Beth ordered, muttering quietly as she glanced up at the young made who nodded. "You're a good mother miss shelby." Before Beth could respond, the maid was gone. Glancing down at the child in her arms, Beth ran her over his pale sleeping face and she grinned. "I guess it's just me and you now charlie, eh?"

AUTHORS NOTE
trying to update as much as possible at the moment but seeing as i'm back to school it's been quiet a struggle but i promise to be more updated. also rest in peace to the beautiful and amazing helen mccroy, who i have loved since i first seen in harry potter and who in which then brought me up watching peaky blinders. a true idol of mine and a woman who will be greatly missed by all fans and family.