LONELY| Thomas Shelby

4.2

THAT NIGHT BETH, found herself sitting in Charlie's yard. The Shelby's and Lee's all shouted and yelled with laughter and jokes as they continued to drink into the darkness of the cold night. Beth had wandered toward the dock, her feet hanging off as she stared into the ripples water beneath her feet. After few drinks she stopped herself not wanting to be drunk on a night like tonight. Her mind was yet to still of emotions and she didn't want to become a mess in front of everyone. "Bethany." A familiar voice called. Beth rolled her eyes, letting out a huff as she glanced over her shoulder at Tommy.

"You haven't eaten all day, come on I'll get you some food there's plenty." Tommy instructed, holding out his hand to her. "M'not hungry. Thanks though." Beth murmured, watching as Tommy sat down beside her. His hand grasped her thigh as he himself looked into the water bellow them. "I can't understand how hard it is right now for you considering you've lost your family and now John but Beth if you don't start looking after yourself you'll perish. Polly says she hasn't seen you eat in a few days." Tommy confronted, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette.

"I said I'm not hungry, you can't make me eat Tommy. I'm completely fine." Her words were harsh, her mood solemn. "You've done this before, Beth. You stop eating when everything goes bloody wrong and it's not fucking good for you." Tommy grumbled against his cigarette. "Fuck you Tommy. You get drunk and smoke twenty cigarettes an hour- when the fuck do you eat, eh? Don't fucking start with me." Beth grumbled, taking the cigarette from Tommy's lips and placing it between her own. "I don't need to listen to you being a hypocrite. Not on a day like today."

"Bethany please. Talk to me." Tommy urged, tilting Beth's face toward him. Beth shook her head pulling her face back from his grasp as she dragged on his cigarette. "What's there to talk about? Johns dead. He died for me." She'd tried to play it off but the tears that gathered into her eyes were an instant give away. Tommy leaned forward, taking her hand in hers tightly as Beth let out a wounded cry, clutching Tommys hand in her own. "He has kids! Kids and a wife! I hate myself so much right now. I wish I could have died instead of him, I really do. I can't- I can't-." She keeled over herself, sobbing into her hands.

"It's not your fault Beth. You didn't tell him to stand in front of you. He chose to do that because he loved you so much. He loved you more than anything. I know that better than anyone because I spent years despising him over the way he loved you." Tommys words were soft as he pulled her under his arm. "Not one person here blames you. Everyone knew he loved you. It's not your fault love. I don't want to ever hear you say something like you wish you died instead of him. Never again. It's all my fault and you love me too much to admit that."

Beth had sat up, staring at Tommy with a tear stained face. "I got you both into this mess and look what's happened. John saved you today Beth. He's dead. You could have died. Micheal could have died. He's my brother and I love him but if it was you who died, I'd never recover. If I could change my place for his right now, I would. I'm the only person to blame. Not you. Never you." Beth quickly shook her head at his words, grasping his hand in hers tightly. "We're all to blame. We all chose this life and we all have to pay the price for it." Her voice was soft as she stared out at the water once again, wiping her eyes.

"We've a lot to work on. I'm not saying that we're going right back to where we were or anything but I need you Tommy. I need you to be here for me right now just the way you need me to be there for you." Tommy nodded along to her words, his free hand coming to brush against her cheek softly. "I'm really sorry for everything I put you through." Beth leaned into his touch, a small grin on her lips. "We'll talk about it all properly sometime later. Right now, I just need you to be my Tommy."

Tommy could only hum, staring at her for a moment before leaning down and leaving a gentle kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, her placed his forehead to hers, both of their eyes closed as the as they attempted to be who the other needed. "I love you." He murmured, grasping her waist to pull her closer. "I love you too." Beth whispered back, her voice small. "Oi, you two!" A voice boomed. Glancing over her shoulder, Beth let out a snort of laughter at Arthur who dragged Finn behind him. "Stop stealing our Bethany, we were looking for her." Finn slurred, pointing his finger at Tommy who raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"Tommy was riding Beth while you were being born, I think she's Tommy's, Bethany." Arthur corrected, shoving his younger brother away who's cheeks burned in embarrassment. "Arthur!" Beth yelled, glaring at Tommy who only laughed. "It's the truth, she's a screamer!" Arthur coursed. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Beth repeated, standing up in embarrassment. "We're not having this conversation tonight." She grinned, shaking her head. "C'mon, we'll get you a drink so. You can have that conversation with Tommy tonight."

Beth gasped, looking back at Tommy for help as Arthur and Finn began to drag Beth toward the crowd of Shelby's and Lee's. Tommy followed a few feet behind shaking his head at his brothers antics.

•

Around 4am, Beth found herself sat in Polly's home in Watery Lane. Finn, Arthur, Ada, Polly, Tommy and Beth all sat around the kitchen table. Laughter boomed. Beth sat perched in Tommy's lap, leaning over to place a card onto the table. "I win!" She yelled, laughter echoing around the table once again. "For fucks sake!" Arthur groaned, slamming his deck onto the table. "You're cheating. You're cheating and I'll figure it out." Ada declared, tossing her deck into the middle of the table. "I'm not, I'm not!" Beth yelled, glaring playfully at Ada.

"She's a fucking player." Polly grinned, staring around drunkenly. "I'm off to bed, I cant lose anymore." She emphasised. "C'mon Finn, we'll go too." Ada grinned, pulling Ada along with her. Beth glanced toward Arthur who stared at her and Tommy and coughed. "Right, well I'd better be going home to Linda. Yep to Linda." Arthur slurred, grabbing his cap and jacket and tumbling out the back door. Beth turned in Tommy's lap to stare at him, a small smile playing on either of their lips. "John would have loved this." Beth murmured, running her hands through her hair.

"He would have." Tommy nodded, squeezing Beth's waist. "We're going to be okay, aren't we Tommy?" Beth whispered, her eyes scanning his face. "We're going to be okay." Tommy repeated, pulling her in closer.